Find my tribe

:D

I discovered a really good site for meeting people that share my interests called Meetup.com. It’s sort of a repository of special interest groups you can search to see if there is one in your area. I joined five groups: two on learning the Japanese language, another about Japanese Pop Culture, one writing group and one for watching anime. Not everything is perfect fit. One of the Japanese language groups and the J-Pop Culture groups are failing, and the writers group has meet on days I can’t attend so far. But the anime group meets once a month like clockwork, and the other Japanese Language group is very strong, getting together routinely for study sessions and to attend cultural events in our area. I find myself perusing the meetup lists to see if there is any other interest of mine that has a group sharing it. Worth looking into.

My tribe are the people I feel comfortable with day in and day out. They are my friends. We feel a connection. They ‘get’ me and I ‘get’ them. I imagine my tribe to be much like I wish my family was—loving me no matter what, sticking by me, sharing special events, being supportive, caring, etc. Is it too much to ask?

I’ve been searching for my tribe for a while now. Feeling that they must be musicians and possibly metaphysicians, on the same track as me, as we band together to change the world. In this search I felt terribly alone. And then the most wonderous thing happened. A coworker said to me: “You must be the nicest person on earth.” s’what? “You have friends who cook for you (true I have a friend who makes me soups for my lunch, treats, cooks for any party I want to throw), cleans your apartment (true) and throws parties for your friends (true I have a couple of friends who didn’t know my other friends well until my bday party so they threw a party to hang with everyone) – I have never heard of this. You must be the nicest person in the world.”

That’s when I realized, I have my tribe. They may be athiests, pastry chef’s, motivational speakers, theologians, actors, singers, screenwriters, but above all they are amazing friends. They may not be musicians (some of them are metephysicians) but they are my tribe. They are fantastic, trustworthy, joyous, fun, supportive, thoughtful, and open hearted. And they’re mine.

l&l,
PS

I’ve known many people in my life, but there have been few that I felt truly close to. And there have been few times when I’ve really felt that I was among people who understood and accepted me. I never felt that my family of origin shared my values, and I suppose what I’m looking for is a ‘family of choice’. To have a real sense of community.

You can’t be close to 300 million people. Don’t even try. You can be cordial. You can be a good citizen. You can make this world a better place by cutting others slack. But… That’s not the same as having a group of people that you share core values with, or that like the same things you do.

The best times in my life, when I was in college, working at my first “real” job, with my fellow nerds in high school, was when I had a tribe to call my own. I want that again.

“The tribe is where you get the heart.”
- Ed Roybal, former U.S. representative

For me this means finding a circle of kindred spirits—the few people in your life who you can use to re-calibrate yourself. The ones who sometimes know you better than yourself.

Thinking of abandoning this one. This goal was just a figure of speech I’d heard somewhere, that’s all. People who actually belong to real tribes don’t automatically get along with or even understand each other. I have a cat and a mother, and the cat’s right here. That’s enough. I don’t know if I’m really missing anything by not having what people call a “support system.” I would rather do most things alone anyway.

I have Martha Beck’s book from the library now. It’s good. Not sure if it can help me, though. Some exercises about goal-setting and friend-making assume that you have at least SOMEone other than a cat to talk to, and I really don’t. Not an exaggeration. But I’m trying to do what I can, anyway.

I don’t know.
I’m just

so

lonely.