For me, being confused by the mysterious ways of the Universe, is often what comes with being on the ‘trust & surrender’ path. Mostly I’m okay with the uncertainty. Now though, when an issue has come full circle (5 years! to conclude), I’m kinda feeling like this is one of those times when you shake your head and think G-d sure does have a sense of humour. (Not sure whether to laugh or cry.)

Long story about why, that I won’t go into – I made a decision to buy a house on the other side of the country. I love the house and the land,
and see huge potential for he reconfigured ‘Dream’ plan (Another long story). (Other posts refer to it as a dream house in-the-rough), but I never wanted to be on the other side of the country and, definitely not in the town where the house is. I love BC and the town we live in. I way prefer to live here all year and never have to go back east.

Problem is – We have spent big, huge amounts of money and more than 3 years getting ourselves relocated over there. If we sell the house now, when it is far from done, we’ll lose bunches and oodles of both every kind of currency we have invested – time, money, stress …

I’m thinking – No matter how far you go down the wrong road, turn back! I’m also thinking that I had and sorta/ kinda still have an sense that, for some unknown/ unclear reason, I’m ‘supposed to’ be over there – at least part of each year. Then again, maybe it was just an exercise in ‘trust’. Soul doesn’t care about loss of time or money. It all about growth, enlightenment, spiritual maturity.

(sigh) Watching for ‘signs’. 1 month ago

All I had to do is nothing else but what I wanted to get done and now here I am. My life is absolutely amazing right now. Still plenty of work, where there is no short supply of that anytime soon.

[Image Unrelated – Iravelle, deviantart] 2 months ago

This is really just about acknowledging closure to myself. I speak it out loud, here, because it helps make it more solid, more time-to-move-on and leave, to the Universe, that which it does way better than I – arrange everything as it should be.

It’s just over a month since I found out that my mother died, in Chile, – nearly 6 weeks Before I heard. After more than 30 days of working to uncover what we are now certain, but can’t prove, was an orchestrated plot to bring about her death, I am resigning from this.

Never mind the grieving process, working to secure documents, from foreign authorities through the Canadian embassy; lengthy emails of the ‘story’ of events to the Canadian RCMP; the USA FBI; the Chilean police and the Celebrity ship line in an attempt to launch an investigation has been practically a full time job.

The ship line won’t give us any information. Their position is butt-covering. (Do yourself a favour – Before booking a cruise, thoroughly check out the lack of responsibility that Cruise ships have for the medical people on board. There’s nothing you can do about that, but you need the information to make an informed choice about taking a cruise or not. Ship lines, typically hire [as separate contractors, so that they are not accountable for them], medical people with questionable pasts, even revoked or No licences.) And ships are sovereign. When they are on the water, as opposed to near / in a port, they are Not under the jurisdiction of any particular country’s laws. That they have deep pockets only adds to the fact that when they choose Not to talk to the family of a person who became debilitatingly ill or died on one of their ships, becomes part of the impenetrable iron gate.) Research the internet for deaths aboard ships. This is Not grief talking.

The FBI’s position seems like its going to be – even though the fraud of the ‘con-man’ (see earlier post) resulted in the death of someone, we have to bring proof. Despite among other things, huge evidence in a 12 page ‘story of the events’, that he wrote, he did such a good job of executing the plan, we haven’t been able to secure undeniable verification! Remember: He’s in the USA. My husband and I are in Canada. One of my brothers who has been working on this with us now lives in Germany. Our mother’s death happened in Chile. The perfect crime? Not so. There is so much evidence to the contrary. However, none of us have the resources to pursue this in / through 4 countries:((

The RCMP – at this point is trying to help us get copies of documents of the police reports, witnesses, autopsy, cremation order … from the Fiscalia de Chile. We’ll see what happens. Beyond that, its looking UNlikely that the RCMP will decide to use public money to investigate and bring to justice, a crime against a 75 year old person who died in South America.

My mother died as a result of the lack of her life-support medications. She brought them with her, but they were withheld from her, by her ‘friend’(the con-man) and the medical people on the ship. I now have the official death certificate (Spanish) and a certified copy of the translation to English. The cause of death is directly related to a medication that kept water from building up around her heart.

I am exhausted from this – mind, body and soul weary. All our resources have been depleted.

I am thankful though, that despite the lifetime of abuse of me by my mother, the lying, cheating, stealing, abandonment, the giving away my brothers (who I found 17 years after) We have whole-heartedly tried to ‘do right by her’ on this.

And now I surrender it all to the Universe – trusting that somehow all the karmic pay-out will be taken care of ‘for the highest good of all’. 3 months ago

We’ve been visiting catgirl every few days – sitting with her and talking, reminding her that she is loved and wanted. And we’ve been stuggling with the question of bringing her home to live (or die) with us. She is in pretty bad shape and the latest tests show that she not only has water around her heart, but cancer in her lungs. Heartbreaking.

When we get there (the animal sanctuary) she seems depressed, limp and apathetic. When we give her the Flowers that I custom-mixed for her, talk with her, brush her fur, kiss her … she perks up and seems like she might want to stick around. Its really hard to tell though. My own feelings of wanting to rescue her and to keep her alive take me over and my ability to allow her to be on the path of her choosing gets cloudy.

Just before I went to sleep last night I asked God if bringing her home to our family, for however long she still has on Earth, was the right thing for her. This morning, at the moment that I came to consciousness, I distinctly heard “no” – plain and simple. I don’t believe it! Of course she should come to be with us! We’ll baby her, talk with her, cuddle her, brush her, give her Bach Flowers, rock her … The Critteraid people already said that when the time comes, when her breathing gets laboured, they won’t let her suffer – they’l take her to the vet to be euthanized. I could never do that! If she comes to us, she will die a ‘natural’ death.

(Being for or against euthanizing is not the issue here, really. The issue is the autonomy of soul.)

An hour ago the Critteraid person phoned to say that the time had come. She was now driving to the vet with catgirl. Everything in me bellowed and wailed. I started to beg for it not to happen, We will pick her up and bring her home. I argued with myself. I was wrong! I hadn’t heard the clear “no” (don’t interfere with path she has chosen) message.

I almost couldn’t stop myself from taking control, by force if necessary, to get the outcome I wanted. Then some sane part of me remembered that I had asked God for confirmation of what was right, for the highest good of all. Even though I now wanted to deny it, I had gotten the answer. Catgirl, as soul, chose to leave this day, this way.

OMG! I so love it when the Universe gives a confirmation sign. Just this minute, as I was getting ready to upload this post, the Critteraid person phoned to say – “When the vet gave her the shot to sedate her and Before she was given the needle to kill her, she died on her own”. 4 months ago

(Continuing saga of ‘Apparently, my mother died – abroad)

I found her at a local Critteraid.

She has been in critical care in hospital – getting the best available attention. They are even thinking to do a fundraiser, for her, to help cover the medical bills. (The ‘con-guy’ was asked to check with the Executor to get some funds from my Mother’s estate to help care for the Orphaned cat – that was 2 weeks ago. He has Not gotten back to Critteraid.)

My offer to help the cat back to emotional health, which ultimately impacts physical health, with Bach Flower Therapy was received with acceptance and applause. I will be going to visit her over the weekend and possibly will take her into our little family of 5 catpeople. I say possibly because these angel-people have already managed to find someone willing to adopt the cat even with all her medical issues. Whatever is best for the Catgirl.

And there is still the issue of the Catboy who is at the neighbour-friend. I don’t want 7 cats!!! as such. I would like to reunite the two of them though.

I know – Watch for ‘signs’ from the Universe. 4 months ago

... in Chile. Supposedly this happened on DE 21, 2012 or DE 23, 2012. The account of events is a mass of conflicting information & holes that present lots of questions.

I found out only yesterday (JA 29, 2013) afternoon about her death. A concerned neighbour and friend (of Mom’s for 3 years) who “finds the whole thing questionable and sinister” went looking for me when too many things didn’t add up.

The (con) man who my mother hooked up with in 2006 created a severe rift between her and I. He used to work for us. When we found out that he was lying, stealng and manipulating, we called him on it and parted ways. Mom worked for us, at the time, too. That’s how they met. When we parted ways with him she was extremely angry. She accused me of jealously so deep that it caused me to fire him to get rid of him. He, ± 35 years younger, was the love of her life and nothing would come between them! Why didn’t I want her to be happy? How long did she need to be alone now that my stepfather had died 7 years before? Whose life was it anyway?

I know, now, that a memorial was held on JA 19, 2013, in my town. The con, I guess he deserves the word ‘artist’ attached to that, ‘cause he sure is good at this type of work, claimed to some people that he had tried everything! to find me – with no luck. Yet to some people, who asked why I wasn’t at the service, he said that he did locate me and I said “Go to hell. I don’t care that shes dead”. (The neighbour located me with 1 call, after a look in the local phone book.)

He has told some people that her body is still in Chile and because of the language difference could Not yet get a death certificate. To others he says that he not only the death certificate (which no one has seen) but also, her ashes (which were Not present at the memorial).

Dozens and dozens of small, but nagging details haunted the neighbour and Mom’s landbord – and finally prompted them to look for me. The con-guy arrived at her apartment, in the dark, with a key. No one thought anything of it when they saw his car the next morning. He’d been coming and going for years. Two days later, he and his brother had already cleaned out her apartment, her computer and supposedly had her purse, before telling the neighbour-friend and landlord that she had died.

Is it possible there is foul play of some kind? Why all the mis-matched stories? How do I get a death certificate for a Canadian who died while vacationing in Chile. If that’s even true? Is there a way to stop him from cleaning out her assets? – which are, in part, needed to care for her 2 cats. (1 cat is currently with the neighbour. She is not sure if she will keep him because of issues with the cat she already knows and loves. Mom’s other cat, who is very elderly and has ‘issues’ was taken to a shelter. I need to find her today.)

And what about her will? In the years that Mom and the guy have been ‘hanging out’ he has been ‘milking’ her for sums of money. I’ve been seeing the evidence over the time. He has managed to get my Uncle (her brother) removed as executor and replaced with his brother. Plus, he tells everyone, that he is named as the major beneficiary. My mother was estranged from all 3 of her children. He says that each of us is named in the will to receive a ‘slap-in-the-face’ gift. Example: a desk lamp, a pencil box … How will her grandchildren get the monetary gifts she apparently bequeathed to them?

I am everything from numb to totally devastated. Sometimes I can hardly breathe from the shock. My head is spinning and cloudy with fog. My heart is sad and hurt and searching for truth. And I am processing as fast as I am able. This post is part of that.

He and his brother have returned to Oregon. I am in British Columbia. How do I deal with all of this from Canada to the United States?

Breathe. Pace. Breathe again. Settle the uneasiness and confusion in my mind and in my gut by surrendering it to the Divine. Be mindful. Trust the Universe. 4 months ago

We make it safely to the East where our ‘dream house’ is. Except for the misery of being jostled and rattled about in the RV and a bit of ‘weather’ through the prairies, the 4300 kms was uneventful. And now we have internet!

It has been a hectic few days since we landed. We have been working long hours just to be able to get the upstairs ready to bring the cats into the house and keep them safe during construction. And to make the 2nd floor a little livable while we work on parts of the downstairs for, at least, the next 6 months.

After 2 and a half days, we now have the upstairs a bit organized and set up – almost like a little starter apartment for newlyweds:)) Sweet.

We are exhausted to the bone, in fact, with all the lifting and moving etc. our bodies are screaming with muscle aches and weariness. At the same time we both have an inner contentment. We’ve been preparing and working hard for 2 years on this project already – just to get to the beginning! What a long, long, holy ca-rumba haul. What a big, huge money drain it is to move to the other side of a country – with belongings, businesses and animals!!! Whew. That part is (Sorta) done! ... except for the storage units:(

Walking along the sandy waterfront and the Friendship Trail is rebuilding some togetherness and sanity. I suspect why I / we have been ‘called’ here, but I’m Not certain yet. Besides, the Universe is a multi-tasker. There’s more than one reason for all this upheaval in our lives. We’ll see how it unfolds. 2 years ago

... more than a few times in my life. The trauma has me taking greater care who I give hairdresser work to. And these days, whenever I need to seek out someone new, it takes me a couple of months to get the nerve … and then I Always check-out the person Before I brave an appointment.

Tried that strategy today. Did Not work – at all. The one-woman shopkeeper was offended enough by my ‘daring’ to suggest that I needed to talk to a new hair person, in order to feel ‘right’ Before I could take a chance. She promptly invited me to leave ‘because she could tell that she wouldn’t be able to make me happy’. Honestly, I was on good behaviour – just scared and needed to be reassured. Not happening!

Feeling misunderstood, frustrated and dejected I left the shop with a big bruised ego. What the heck? I’m a good person! That didn’t just happen?! ARGH!!!!!!!!!! How could she treat me like that? (Breathe. Walk away. Let it Go.)

Thank the Gods, my next wander was into a little bead store where I’ve been collecting treasures to embellish wooden dining chairs. The owner and myself made a connection instantly, when I first walked in there, a few months ago. She smiled when she saw me … ahhhh … sweet. I felt the hurt begin to ease.

After an hour ‘embracing the sweetness of doing nothing’ and on the walk back to the Studio, the light went on! That shopkeeper’s reaction was extreme and unreasonable. The Universe had my back though:) Better a bruised ego than another hair trauma. Whew! 13 months ago

Seems like the whole point, or maybe / probably Not the whole point, but the big ‘take-away’ is to delay the travel back to the east … by about a week. We don’t know why we need to do this, probably never will. No matter. One just hasta do what feels like it gets one back ‘in the flow’.

Yesterday when the big, inconvenient challenge landed in My life, I say (to cowboy) “Okay, WTH is up with this, you’re not choosing to ‘Let go and let God’ so now ‘It’ needs to make sure that I pay attention?!” Cowboy says “Ha-ha-ha. So, it’s like ‘You (he)won’t listen, keeps pushing to bend Life to your will, so we have to now talk to the boss:) to get this dealt with:)

Throughout the day, I stayed centered, mindful and ‘listening’. Subtle ‘signs’ that always arrive too quickly and too esoterically to be certain with worldly senses, continued to unfold. The way I usually get it is in a mystery story fashion. One clue leads, naturally, to another. And if I keep paying attention, I get the flash of insight. The confusion lifts and leaves a solid knowingness in my belly.

So it was yesterday. As soon as I ‘knew’ that delaying a week, even though we neeeeeeeeeeeeed to get on with plans, was The answer, everything began to gel into a revised schedule, all ‘falling into place’. All the difficulties relaxed and dissolved. (Amazing)

How amazing is the Universe! How tingling the sensation of being in sync with right action, ‘cosmic’ consciousness, my (our) most fertile path. 14 months ago

A rash of very inconvenient, money-eating, time-wasting garbage is currently visiting our lives. We’re (the cowboy and I) nearing the end of his sabbatical time in BC and for me, I only have about 6 weeks left.

During that past 3 weeks though, its been one mini disaster after another. Lots of chaos, lots of time-loss, stress-producing frustrations are coming ‘out-of-the-blue. Until this morning, it could be said that it was all happening to him. Now me! I’ve been asking for days “What is up?” “What is trying to be communicated to us?” “What connection are we missing?” Since there haven’t really been ‘messages’ for me, I’ve been trying to figure it out, but knowing there are subtle signals, ‘winks’, belly-twitches … that I’m not privy to – consequently I don’t have all the information to decipher with.

Now that an issue has been directed to me, I’ll be even more mindful. In the meantime, the frustration with all this stuff ‘going wrong’ is killin’ my happy-buzz and returning me to ‘reality’ too soon for my liking:( Watch for clarifying ‘signs’ / ‘messages’.

Breathe love into the fear, and trust. (sigh) 14 months ago

I’ve recently taken one step closer to ‘trusting the universe’. Instead of following the crowd and doing what people expect me to, I’ve decided not to go back to uni after this year and to do what I really WANT to do. I’ve been wondering why I have felt so lost at university and I think the reason is because its just not right for me at the moment. Its a bit scary, but I haven’t felt so inspired about my future in years. 16 months ago

wow! it’s amazing to really feel & celebrate this!

I asked to run into someone on a flight, at lunch & around Christmas time for a hug. The Universe delivered exactly those things. It was three different people at least that I got to interact with in these fun ways. I realize that although it wasn’t all the exact same person I wished to rendezvous with, it was magical & the path of most allowing for me. Wow – thank yOu!!!

I had such a beautiful day yesterday. I was in sync with my vortex of magical creation. Wow! I woke up did my meditation, made a list of everything I appreciate about my job & everyone I work with. I had a fun fun day. Magic & bliss & ease & fun everywhere! I got an email that I had received a raise! wow!!! I made a lot of money at my evening job & earned a bonus. I rendezvoused with amazing people at my dayjob. The timing of everything was perfect. I felt like myself. Wow!!! It seems that the universe delivered all my desires even better than I could have imagined & in absolute perfect ways for me :) Wow!!!!

I also realized that the kind of friendships I desire to have. I already have. This is a really beautiful realization. Everywhere I go I make lovely connections. I attract abundance and awesomeness. I love who I am and I love who I am becoming!

Thank you!!! I’m looking forward to more bliss! 17 months ago

my holiday photos appeared on time! This is so magical that trying to articulate it here is futile. Basic story- on Monday I threw a tantrum about the fact that I wasn’t able to print my photos. I really wanted to show them to pple. Yesterday a friend picked up my prints after I followed an impulse to ask for help. They prints showed up at the exact moment that was a fun moment and the perfect moment… 18 months ago

I am feeling with all my being that all I have to do is just be myself.

And all awesomeness will come to me :) 19 months ago

... even in the most difficult, dark times of construction:)

Yesterday, the ‘dream house’ construction, turned out so juicy. My heart sang – 3 new windows, and part of the border tile of the kitchen floor. Delight. Sheer, joyous delight. As if that wasn’t affirmation enough, we visited an Art Glass supply outlet, after months of searching for ‘the one’ and … we found it!

This morning, during my walk along the friendship trail, the skyline of Buffalo, NY was drenched in a vibrant mandarin orange and raspberry coloured sunrise. Thank You, Universe. Two of the fiery colours of our, south-facing, kitchen . . . in the early stages of being birthed:) 19 months ago

We didn’t start out until SN AP 17/11, but we did start. Now 4 days into an 8 day crossing (that’s the plan anyway), I’m counting the minutes until I can get out and away from the RV. The catpeople are miserable. I’m jumping out of my skin. Mr. Cowboy is lovin’ this:)))
One of his dreams since he was 8? What 8 year old dreams of wanting to own an RV – that he can convert into a self-sufficient, ecoholic, power-generating mobile? So … we gotta do this for him:))

(I think he’ll need to pay back in lots of cat treats and a couple of diamonds for me [wink-wink]) 2 years ago