have it all

Friends, family, happiness, and a good job. I deserve it, and I will make it happen.

The whole dream… a job that pays well.. A family get married.. the typical two parents two kids house dog cat two cars thing because my life have been anything but typical…

your eyes
your mouth
your lips
your ears

breath in
breath out
breath in
breath out

your neck
your shoulder
your back
your breast

breath in
breath out
breath in
breath out

your stomach
your hips
your thigh
your sighs

breath in
breath out
breath in
breath out

hope
joy
hope
pain

forever
never
again
and again

green rolling hills
soft sweet summer breezes.
dappled sunlight
first kisses.

I am going to use this as my free association blog. To talk about my thoughts unedited and unfiltered. Live with the spelling mistakes and the lack of caps or grammar. I am here to be freee of self and restrictions to open up and have it all. In the process if you like what i am saying or wish to share in the adventure, jump in.

I live in NYC. Been here for years. going through a minor midlife crisis, just shaved my head! all of it off! Took off 10 years in the process. I am now 32 rather than the other number.

Male, slightly over weight and out of shape. Good looking if that kind of thing matters to you, I gave up on that as my hair gathered around my ankles in my early 20’s. Pain misery and suffering. hats hats hats.

Now I am wondering where the time went. Career OK, Family, intense, health in decline. Did I mention I am out of shape? 5’ 10” 190lbs. Heart beat 78. Back in the day when I biked 40 miles a day and danced til my toe nails came off I was 145 wet, with a resting heart beat of 48. No walking out of the subway gets my pulse racing. When did I fall apart?

How often do I do this, daily, weekly or as the feeeling hits me?

I love a girl, does she love me, do I take the plunge or wait for her to make the play. sexexex, not today, at least not all things have fallen away.

For me this entails…giving, loving my life, enjoying each moment, and creating the life that I want that allows me to share every single bit of it with others that I love:-)

Having it all would entail me being satisfied with every aspect of my life. Because of my current situation this is presently unattainable. I may one day check this one off but I will not add it to my to-do list because it seems _{a bit lofty, self-serving, and pretentious.} No offense.

Time to read, time to lounge, room to spread out, freedom to choose, chances to learn, places to see, new people to embrace, food to savor—this is what I want out of life. That’s a life of luxury to me.

I don’t mean that I want to HAVE IT ALL in the sense of a huge house, lots of money, expensive and fancy things, etc. What I mean is that, as a woman, I want to have a fulfilling career, love, marriage, happiness with another person, contentment and few regrets. That is what I define as HAVING IT ALL and that is what i want to strive for.