I always forget that I can’t fight my body.
Back in March, I weighed only 148 because I didn’t care. Then I started worrying about gaining weight and guess what happened…
Screw it. I don’t care anymore. The only way I will ever weigh 140 lbs is if I can be happy with how I am now, and isn’t that what I really want anyway?
Fine. I am happy with how I am now. This is me. This body is the one I need on my journey and I am grateful for it. The way I look is a product of all my past choices, not a judgement.
Judging myself does not feel good. Having compassion for myself feels great. That’s not a number on the scale. It’s a feeling.
So what I want is a good feeling, not a low weight.
But sometimes, I worry about what other people will think, if they’ll notice I weigh more now.
What is the weight of their thoughts on my mind?
Nothing, if I just don’t worry about stupid crap like that.
Reasons to accept my body:
1. When people were commenting on how skinny I was, that was the exact time in my life I was not counting calories or trying to diet.
2. I can’t instantly lose weight, but I can instantly stop thinking about things I cannot change.
3. I can’t find acceptance on the outside. I could tell myself this 1,000 times. It’s not going to come from looking a certain way, or having a certain relationship, or doing certain activities. It’s going to be there when I decide that I want to accept myself and live with the peace that will come with that decision.
4. Everything in my lifestyle has changed since May. Everything. My entire routine has changed and I need to take it easy on myself and focus on things that are actually important.
5. It sounds dumb and I don’t quite believe it yet, but I know it’s true from the people I have loved: When I meet the right person, they will love me exactly the way I am.
6. I use my body for lots of cool activities, I’m healthy, and I have gotten better at mindful eating over the past year. So really, I should be happy about those things.
7. I’m tired of ‘never being enough.’I’m enough. I’m fine just the way I am. The biggest obstacle before me is ME. Time to step out of my own way and accomplish some wonderful goals and have some wonderful experiences.
8. Everyone has an opinion.
9. In my opinion, the past month has been wonderful and it’s had nothing to do with my weight. Back when I was skinnier I was lost, confused, and drinking all the time. Which would I take, given the choice? Right now. 3 years ago