live consciously

Studying yoga philosophy is very helpful in living consciously. For example, today I read about non-sensuality. While at first, to my liberal mind, it seemed like a restrictive notion, the more I read it, the more I realized the virtue of it. Basically, with every action, you strive to be one with Spirit, instead of indulging senses. We should strive to act out of joy and service.

“I consciously choose hope, peace, and joy in everyday life.”

I got this quote from the book, Quantum Success. I say it several times to remember what is most important to me as I go about my day. You can also customize it. For example, you can say: “I consciously choose courage, truth, and love in everyday life.”

I kinda just want to not live by the seat of my emotions. I want to living doing what I dream of doing and being my true self, unflinchingly. I want to be resilient and not let my past torture me. I want my actions to be ruled by my dreams and logic not emotions. It’s a long road, I realize. So much to do. So much to learn. A lot of obstacles. My laziness. My fear. My overanalytical nature. Lots and lots to overcome. Why can’t I be the person to know? The one that just knows what to do and does it. Doesn’t analyze it. Doesn’t need to. Just is comfortable in their own skin. The one who quietly does what they must, embraces their dreams, does all they can in their power and then walks away without a word but only silent pride and peace. That’s who I want to be. That’s my idea of someone who lives consciously. I dream of it.

So today I’m trying to not let my emotions cloud the fact that every day can be great if I let it. Everyday doesn’t have to turn into a boring gray day. It can be a day of accomplishment, success and peace.

These past two years I have not tried to live. I smoked, when I drank I got tanked. I never worked out, tried hard. I preferred the road of the apathy and overindulgence to the road of good. I settled in this instant gratification life and to be honest it’s hard to break away from it. No longer do I give in and let myself have my cheap way. Like today, I could play video games or be on the computer all day but I have important things to do. Only when they are done should I relax. I’ve gotten used to relaxing when there’s much to do and to be honest I never really could relax. I just sat around trying to forget my life and so I would drink, chainsmoke, play video games, surf the web, etc… anything to take reality’s edge away. Today I two very important priorities:
1. pack up as many boxes as I can
2. Do my homework

I cannot stop, I cannot cease, I cannot give myself a break (I will always find a way to extend it far too long). I have to do this and make it happen. All of it. Go the extra mile. Go the extra mile.

Today I have been presented with an opportunity to make my life better. To be a better person. I shouldn’t back out of it.

I am being granted an opportunity to help my roommate. I will seize it. If I don’t seize it I will be disappointed in myself. If I do seize it I will feel pride in myself and peace in that she will feel better.

I did very well today. I only need to work on my timing and to not procrastinate like I did (a bit) today. The thing that worried me today is that I felt very out of it today. Just wanting only to half-ass it. But I didn’t. Maybe once I did but that was it. But I need to look past my emotions and focus on the work. If I do it like this without caring about emotions and investing myself in the work I will find the pride and peace I enjoy.

Well, here is my next opportunity to work hard and be proud. Though I’m in a hurry to get to work I must take this moment to promise that I will do my best and work hard!
“A life of purpose reveals the purpose of life”

I am grateful for the opportunity (that I took) to do a great job today. Today is not over yet. I still have much to do. I will not waste my time doing needless things online. I will not waste my time watching television, playing video games, watching videos. I will do my homework. Learn much. “Do the little things well now. In time, great things will be presented to you.”