express my feelings and thoughts better

...this was a goal to help myself learn how to tell family and friends more of what I was feeling/thinking. I should extend this to include the people at work. Today was just not a good day – I’m frustrated beyond belief and I’m not sure what to do about it. I feel as if I can’t really speak my mind at work – even when it’s for the good of the company. They seem unwilling to trust me – or maybe unwilling to change. Either way it makes for a very rough time at work.

I was charmed by Foo Tok Eng, a typical Hainanese living in Brunei at Berangan Village eversince 1994 and she cast a charm upon me and my family which is believed to be an Indonesian charmed. Believe this for certain. Her charmed was so powerful that i can sense something was not right and i was sick for more than 5 days having fever and loss of appetite but after 5 days the fever subsided. But however i felt like i was not myself anymore because she had already cast her charmed over me. The reason she did this to me and my family is because of her jealousy. Foo Tok Eng is my first cousin’s aunt and she is having an affair with a woman’s husband. This guy will fetch her up everyday from her house at 2pm sharp with a big black car and a plate number BB1999. Both of them went to Jerudong Beach and they will be having a date there. They were still doing that even now. They even made love inside the car. There were already humours been spread from mouth to mouth between them. She is a devil. She cast a charm upon me and my family. I have a wonderful family which eventually turns out to be broken family. Everything changes. Everytime when i am approaching my uncle, he would get irritated and eventually scold at me for no reason. My uncle also having a lot of problems, he even suffered from financial strain, his boss did not give him any promotion after all these years he worked so hard and in the end he gain nothing. Depression often occurs in me. Sometimes i would day dream thinking about my pasttime as a child.

Sometimes expressing your feelings and thoughts can be difficult. I’m starting to find that most of the time I don’t do this is because I don’t want to hurt someone. That’s not always a good thing though since it means I’ll bottle those feelings up from time to time.

Overall I’ve been doing well with this goal, but I still think I have a ways to go.

I can’t call this a success just yet. I’m actually doing better at expressing myself to certain people. However the goal for me is to be able to express my feelings and thoughts better in general, to anyone, no matter who they are. So I guess I’m still working on this but I’d say it’s coming along rather well (for now).

You know when I started to do this I thought it would be something that I’d slowly improve at. But it’s really been rough trying to express my feelings and thoughts with everything going on. Some days I do a lot more expressing than other days, it’s just too bad I have a hard time controlling when I express myself.

For example, to random strangers and people I only kind of know I have no problem letting them know what I’m thinking or how I’m feeling. Within limits of course – “if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all”.

My problem is that I hate hurting people because when/if I do I cause myself pain when I have to see them hurt. Which means I tend to hold a lot back at times for fear of hurting people. I guess I’m a people pleaser. I don’t like it when people don’t like me or get hurt because of me.

Yeah… this goal has been really rough. Any advice on how I can move ahead with this would be greatly appreciated.

I thought I was doing well with this goal but I may have been fooling myself. Maybe I still have to work on this one and learn to express everything that I’m feeling. The problem with that is, especially right now, I’m on such a roller coaster of thoughts/feelings that I can’t figure out how to express them.

I don’t know what happened to me but I’ve seem to be doing a lot better at actually expressing my feelings and thoughts a bit better. It may be that I know this goal is an important part in any relationship or it just may be that I’m less afraid of what I express. shrug I’m not sure, I just know it’s really a great feeling.

I’ve always known I need to learn to express my feelings and thoughts better than I do, but I’m afraid that I’m in need of more work on this one than I thought. Any advice on this would be greatly appreciated.