be alone but not lonely

There are many ways to say good bye to things in life. But there is no right way to do it when it comes to something like an influence which has been unfruitful, manipulative and draining. Having had the experience of doing this lately, I feel that I owe it to myself to not feel bad about what happened. Keeping in touch with an old partner is the hardest thing to do in the context of a relationship at it’s final stage of demise. If not because of the awkward situations it causes, then for the fact that there are still so many things unresolved and put to rest. To just let things linger is not fair on either party, so I instigated a situation where I could be sure that there would be no more contact. She would only call me if she needed something. She hadn’t rung in over six weeks. I had a crisis situation that required a calm ear to listen – that calm ear was not there in the sense of listening, and there was little interest to do so at the time. This really was the straw that broke the Camel’s back, as I had always (and I mean always) been there for this lady – after that point, she called two weeks later wanting to meet, and then called off the meeting—she enquired if we could meet again, but also asking a favour (of substantial size) and I coyly answered that I did know how to get something solved, but did not reply to her demand. I left it at that. I know that she will not call back. I miss her dearly, but if every time she contacts me is for a favour – then it’s not really worth anything to me. I wish her all the best in everything she does, I think she is fabulous in her own way and I hope she finds what it is that she’s looking for. Since I cannot say this to her now, I have it here for posterity