Well, I’m about to finish week eight on 20mg/day of citalopram, and overall it’s been ok. No particular side effects, and with the help of faculty, my counsellor, GP and a psychiatrist, I feel like I’ve made a lot of progress.

I don’t think there’s much else for me to add to my diaries, and I’m likely to stay on the cit for at least the next six months, so I think I’ll bring this goal to a close.

All the best to anyone else on this journey.

A few things that helped me on my way were:
http://experience.patient.co.uk/discussion_list.php?d=99
http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome 2 years ago

Hmmmm… I had an odd night. I went to bed around 9ish, and got to sleep a while after. Then I woke up around 1am and couldn’t get back to sleep, I decided to check my job application score while I was up, and was pretty disappointed by what I got. I didn’t back to sleep till after 4am and slept through to about 9.

Not bad, overall, knowing me. I’ve not been too sure about when to take my pill, as some people report daytime sleepiness while others say they get disturbed sleep. When I was splitting doses I was knackered during the day and waking up at daft hours of the night, so I wasn’t hugely optimistic. I had my first full dose last night – and the iffy sleep. I had another full dose this morning and had a pretty good day, no nausea or sleepiness. I think mornings may be the way forward :)

I’m loving the counselling. I just wish I could get it more often and didn’t have to travel so far for it. I have my third session next Tuesday. I swear my counsellor is excited to see me. I flummoxed her a bit in the first session – as I do have quite a lot going on. It’s nice having someone who is contractually obliged to listen to you. She’s great, helping me explore problems I’ve never admitted to having before. We spent my entire last session discussing what has kept me from asking for help before, something I thought was completely normal, but when I explained it out loud, I could see how warped my thinking is. I wish I’d done this months, if not years, ago…

So, I’m able to get to sleep without a solid forty minutes of sobbing, even if I’m not exactly staying asleep or feeling particularly refreshed in the morning. I’m not feeling much better in my mood either.

I’d really like this work out. On the face of it, my life should rock. 2 years ago

I had a pretty reasonable night last night. The meditation didn’t didn’t get me to sleep as effectively as the night before, but I stuck at it, and managed to drift off before midnight. Woke up at 4.15am tho, not quite the win I’d been hoping for. I stayed in bed and managed to sleep in til 7.30, which isn’t bad. Still a bit tired tho.

I really enjoyed my counselling session today. We explored a bit about my upbringing and how it’s affected my reluctance to ask or reach out for help. Accepting medication and counselling was a surprisingly big step for me. Apparently I started out a bit ‘reticent’, but when I started saying things out loud that I had barely thought about in years, it was incredibly rewarding. I’m going back next Tuesday and seeing the psychiatrist next Friday. It feels great to actually be doing something about my problems.

My job application scoring results come out tomorrow! I’ve got a 97.5% chance of getting a job, so I’m pretty confident I’m not going to be condemned to unemployment. I just hope that I get a really good score, so I have a more options to choose from for location and rotations. Here’s hoping :) 2 years ago

I was in bed some time after ten last night, and actually asleep not long after – WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, fanfares, lights in the sky, etc.

I decided to revisit meditation, which I essentially look at as a method of boring yourself to sleep (focus on your breath and think of nothing, or a very calming concept). Seemed to do the trick :)

Woke up just before 6.30 this morning, probably a combination of my early starts over the weekend and getting to sleep a good four hours earlier than usual.

However, the bugger of it is that I still felt tired all day. Over the weekend I assumed it was the sleep deprivation and travelling, but this just doesn’t feel right and I can’t quite focus like I should. I’ve been wanting to go back to bed since 10am, but I decided some kind of regularity and healthy pattern would be the best way to get me up to strength again.

Anyhoo, is coming up for 10, shall wander off and deep breath my way to unconsciousness. 2 years ago

Another ‘not exactly bad’ day.

Had a 6.30 start this morning, and was surprisingly perky about it considering I was up past 1am last night. With the relatively rubbish sleep, and not being able to eat due to travel sickness, feeling a bit rubbish is only to be expected.

It’s coming up for 9pm, I’m going to tidy my room and get ready for bed. No pressing engagements tomorrow, so looking forward to staying in bed past seven. With a little luck I may even get a decent amount of sleep :)

I’m sort of in two minds about whether to continue with my split dose (10mg morn + night) or just take the full whack at night. Bugger. I doubt it really matters, as I’m getting the full daily dose either way. Maybe the morning dose has been a part of me feeling rubbish. Will take thte split again tomorrow and see how it goes. 2 years ago

A bit of a rubbish day, but I think that’s more my mood than the meds.

My sleeping has been rubbish for ages. I was still up at 3.30am, when I decided not to check the clock anymore as it’s just frustrating. I tend not to mind that too much, as I’m pretty much used to it at the moment.

It just sucks when you have to get up at 6.30am.

On a Saturday.

To go to a revision weekend.

Where you realise how little you know for the upcoming exams.

Oh well. It may have been a bit like walking in the fog, but I still learned things. Am hoping I get more sleep tonight as I’m doing the same tomorrow.

I had my half pill at 6.45am this morning before I left and the other half at around 7pm when I got back. I don’t think I had any ill effects – I was going to feel absolutely knackered either way. I was a touch lightheaded in car this morning (passenger, not driving), but I was travel sick, sleep-deprived and working on an empty stomach. I’m a bit woozy and exhausted at the moment, but I reckon the short sleep and long intense day is more than enough to explain that one.

So, overall, no noticable side effects so far, and I’m generally pretty optimistic that I’ll be fine when I take the regular full dose once a day. If anything, looking out for side effects, only to realise they are part of the problem these pills are meant to help with, is actually quite exciting. I’ve become so used to feeling exhausted, not being able to sleep, lightheaded and foggy during the day, and lacking the concentration to get on with my revision – I forgot that it’s not normal for me. I can’t wait for the meds to kick in. I’m looking forward to feeling awake and alive and confident enough to face the world and my exams again.

I’ve been stuck in this pit of self doubt and fear for so long I’d forgotten what I used to be like. While I’m not the old me yet, I’m really looking forward to getting there :) 2 years ago

I was surprised at how easy it was to get these, but that’s probably because I very rarely need medication and have never taken anything long term. I had a chat with the GP, explained that I’ve been having some personal problems and that I’m getting support through the university and have scheduled counselling and psychiatry appointments. She asked me about the basic depression symptoms (mood, food, sleep, work, etc) and agreed that a bit of medication would probably be wise.

I was prescribed Citalopram 20mg once a day. My GP said to split the pills for the first few days to reduce the risk of side effects. However, I’m a bit impatient about getting things started, so I’ve decided to still split the tablets, but take them twice a day, so I get the same daily dose but with lower peak concentrations… I hope, anyway.

I was a bit anxious about starting these, as there are so many forums out there almost specifically about how people can barely cope with the side effects. To be honest, I’ve been so all over the place that I honestly wouldn’t be able to tell what’s s/e and what’s just me at the moment.

Anyway, I took the two halves of the pill today:

First half (11am) – felt like a huge moment somehow, but nothing huge happened. I was maybe a little lightheaded with the slightest touch of nausea, but that is not an unusual state for me. I also had a weird moment when a wine gum tasted really weird and molten plasticy ( altered taste is a listed s/e), but the next one was normal, so it was probably just an odd moment. Oh, and I had a weird few minutes when I could swear my nose was tingling… peculiar, but somehow amusing.

Second half (5.30pm) – I had decided to take the second half before I went to bed, and I felt rather exhausted early in the evening (something that again is a listed s/e, but again is pretty normal for me at the moment). I suppose I was rather hoping that the tiredness was due to the meds, and that they would be enough to help me sleep through the night. Especially as I have an early start tomorrow morning. It was not to be, however. I was awake again at 8pm and have been generally pottering around for the last three hours. Bugger.

So, overall, not noticed any specific definite s/e that I really think relate to the meds, which is pretty awesome, considering I’m being a touch foolhardy and choosing to take the full daily dose.

The plan at the moment is to continue with split doses over the weekend and start taking the full single doses on Monday.

PS. Just found this, which looks like a good honest thorough guide from someone who’s been throught it, shall take a look at it tonight:
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=46980 2 years ago

I have finally started to admit that the last few months have been very hard on me. Due to a bereavement and some fairly horrendous family conflicts, I have reached a point where I’ve aknowledged that it has all been affecting me.

Now I’ve admitted this is a problem, it’s so much easier to accept help. I’m very lucky to have great university dean, who really gently shepherded me in the direction of counselling. They also consistently pointed out to me that the way I’ve been behaving has really just not been me, until I eventually realised they were right and I need and deserve help and support.

So far, I have arranged regular follow up with the dean, started counselling through my university, and got an appointment booked with the counselling service psychiatrist. Now I’ve got the ball rolling, I’m really keen to hurry things along.

It still managed not to feel like enough, especially as I’m a final year medical student sitting my final exams in six weeks (enough to give anyone a good bout of depression…). So, this morning, at the suggestion of my dean, and because it is pretty much inevitable, I made an appointment with my GP to ask about some antidepressants to help me get through the next few months.

I’m not a huge fan of taking medication for this, but I’ve spent months trying to pull myself through it and that hasn’t exactly worked. I’m not expecting pills to fix me – I’m keeping my counselling and psych appointments – but I am expecting them to help me get my sleep and focus back in the meantime.

I was prescribed citalopram (trade names: celexa and cipramil) 20mg once a day. A quick look around online throws up countless nightmarish post about side effects and claims that they either don’t work at all, or take weeks/months to kick in, and I kinda wish I hadn’t looked now. I’m a bit worried that now I know that so many of these happen so commonly I’ll be expecting them now, and looking at any minor ache, pain or tingle as a big bad side effect.

So, I have decided to commence these ‘Citalopram Diaries’ to track how it goes. Hopefully, all will be well, s/e will be minimal and I’ll have a normal sleep pattern and the drive to make it through exams. 2 years ago