stop being scared of everything

My boss has noticed how quiet I am at work and has decided that an assertiveness course is the answer to my problems. I’m of the opinion that a one day course is not going to change the way I’ve been for 27 years in the slightest. And the thought of going on this course terrifies me.

Of course I’m not assertive enough to say I don’t want to go on an assertiveness course, so looks like I’m going doesn’t it?!

it should be “chicken” because I am scared of EVERYTHING these days. I have been assaulted, divorced, homeless, then have gotten pregnant by some guy whom I really only knew personally for a few months. I have 3 daughters, 13, 10 and 14 mo’s and have done daycare, worked part time and full time always around their schedules. I am living with the baby’s father and he is supporting us. I am not working and have gone out to one job interview. I have no direction and don’t know who the hell I am anymore. I am scared to go out for milk. Scared that I am doing a crappy job with my kids, scared of being broke. I have always made my own money and now, I have nothing. I am scared of dying. It sounds funny but I am so sure that I will die soon and leave my children and have an un-fufilled life. I am scared that I will amount to nothing. I have high goals and dreams yet am so scared that I won’t achieve them or people will think that I am an idiot for even trying to achieve them that I stop dead in my own tracks. I sabotage myself. I am not even sure that I love my boyfriend. I miss being a single mom.. i miss it. I am a complete mess. I hate being at home. I live to be productive and yet there is NOTHING to do. There is nothing I want t do. I have no ambition or drive. This really sucks. All I want to do is sleep or cry. I mean I make myself clean and have fun with m daughter for her sake..but on the inside I am a mess….

I have been reading into tapping and wanted to start it but I never have quiet, alone time except at night and I’m too tired to concentrate on it then. I really want to start this ASAP to get over being afraid of everything. I’ve heard good things about it. :)

I’m the biggest worry wart

EVER

The other day I thought how much better I’d got – I thought it would be a good idea to make a list of all the things I do now that used to petrify me. Stupid things like buying a bus ticket or even just going to pay for something in a shop. I went to the bar in a pub on my own the other day, that was a huge achievement – it wasn’t a crowded pub because I still couldn’t do that – but it was definitely a small step in the right direction.

that im radd. i have mreo friends hten half the ppl who ahve a problem wiht me. i am a better person, beucase i dont need ot talk stupid shit about ppl to feel powerful! i am fuckin radd, and so are my friends and family.
FUCK YOU!!

Being afraid has hindered me in so many ways. I’m afraid to take chances, afraid of everything so I just avoid things, it’s ridiculous. I’ve just been saying “screw it” lately though and trying to do stuff even though I’m scared. I know I got this way because of my mom. She is even worse than me!!! She was a horrible example and she lives her life being afraid of everything. Every day she says something outrageous she fears, and it makes me realize I need to get over it because I do NOT want to end up like her. good lord

I’m having a bad time with this at the moment, everything seems to be going wrong at once and I don’t have time to sort myself out to deal with it all! Stupid things like I was overcharged in Tesco, I knew I’d been overcharged, but I didn’t say anything! Now I’m really annoyed with myself because by being this scared of talking to people I’m only making things harder for myself!

Thinking back to five years ago I’ve progressed so much – there are things that I do now without thinking about them that would have caused me to panic back then. I am getting better. I just want to be able to do things without having to plan them out step-by-step in my head so I don’t panic.

I get worked up about stupid things. Last night I couldn’t sleep at all because I was worried about asking for holiday from work! All I had to do was walk to the other end of the office and write it in the holiday book but I really had to psych myself up to do it, to the point where I couldn’t sleep!!! It’s just crazy. I don’t want to be like this any more, it’s just too exhausting!