5’2 1/2 and 105 pounds my lowest was 88 highest 133.. i’m too afraid to stop because i don’t want to go back to my highest, so i developed bulimia to control my weight, and now it’s becomean addiction. I want to beat it so bad :( I hate myself for this 10 months ago

It’s still a struggle, I still have moments of relapse – close to it. But I have a system in place where I almost always resist the urge. I have someone I can call when all I want to do is go throw up; it’s working brilliantly. I don’t like staring at this goal on my list, and lately when I see it, it feels unnecessary to have it. I may have bulimia, but bulimia does not have me. That is the difference, and that’s why I feel I can say “Mission accomplished” for this goal. 14 months ago

Today was terribble…ive tried so many times to stop but I cant do it on my own…I think I might need professional help the ppl ive told think ive overcome it already and I don have the heart to tell them ive been back at it for several weeks. I just don’t know how to beat this I cant stand even having a small amount of food in my stomach. I have no self control unless I’m around ppl when I’m eating. When I start eating I cant stop myself cuz I keep saying it doesn’t matter cuz ur just gonna throw up. Ive gotta get out of this mind set but I’m so stuck… 15 months ago

I thought I was doing much better, but the last few days, every single time I eat I want to vomit.
It doesn’t matter if I’ve eaten a lot or a little, I can’t stand feeling even remotely full; it’s uncomfortable for me. I haven’t given in to that desire yet. I have to keep talking myself out of it, fighting with myself, making myself call the one real support line I have and telling myself that this is not the answer; then I have to fight a different urge. Now before I go on, exercise is good, but not when the thought process is “If I can’t throw it up, I’ll burn it off.”
Some of it’s messed up sleeping habits, most of it’s a control issue. I’m going to school full time, my schedule runs my life right now, I am in a different state, and very far away from my loved ones.

Lately I’ve found myself pondering and wrestling with this thought:
What is better? To fight the demon with all you have and suffer in silence, with those around you not being aware of it and your only support being nearly 1800 miles away? To try to get up the gumption to tell someone new about your issues even though you don’t know anyone very well yet? Or to give in to the demon, run a high risk of being found out, and wind up with an incredible support system?

Of course most people would pick one of the first two. But I’ll tell you the 3rd option can be tempting too. 20 months ago