overcome anorexia

i just watched a program

I need to release my emotions
show people how i feel
shout and scream when i’m unhappy-
laugh and smile when i’m happy

i need to improve my self expression
open up
stop shoving it down
zipping it up
guilt tripping over eating.

I want to be free.
Freedom.

I bet it tastes so good.

=)

Hey out there everyone! This is my first time on a this site. I am 20 years old (almost 21! Wahoo!) and have been struggling with anorexia for 4 years. It’s been an everlasting, terrible road, but I want to make changes for the better in my life. I felt that I needed to become active in some sort of organization for overcoming eating disorders in order to really push myself to overcome the disorder that’s held me captive for so long. I want to communicate with others who are out there fighting these things as well. I need some support from those in the battlefield, not just a parent or friend who hasn’t experienced it themselves. Who else out there feels that way? Has this site helped you? Please let me know. I am determined to beat this darn thing, and will support anyone else out there who is trying to do the same. We’re in this together!

This is so hard.

this is both exciting and a little scary marking this as done, but I think I can finally do this. It’s been a hard year… and this just kept getting worse and worse…there were times I wanted to change and times I didn’t …when I did try to change I couldn’t ….nothing worked… I just got worse…It wasn’t until I finally gave it to God (and meant it)and asked God to take it away that I had any progress. Now I can really say that I’m enjoying my food… I like to eat..wow I said that lol OK, I’m still picky I don’t like a lot of sugar, but that’s healthy.

No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and despise the other
Matthew 6:24

ok… I pull this a little out of context, Jesus is talking about money here, but I think the point is the same…if we put anything in our lives before Christ, then it becomes our god.

I need to focus on what God what’s to do inward, not on what I look like outwardly … and if that mean I gain 20 lbs and roll down the street (ahhhh) well then, I’ll roll for Him.

why I’m having such a hard time with this today, I don’t know; but for some reason I just want to shut down

holidays are always hard

I was never one to watch a lot of TV or read gossip magazines, so I wonder sometimes where this obsession with being thin came from.
I’ve been talking a lot with my husband, and he doesn’t even like me that thin…so why do I do it? why do I obsess so much?

I have been doing better the past couple of weeks. it’s still hard. but I’m trying to see myself the way God sees me. focus on the inside, not the outside… It sounds old hat, I know. something I should have learned long ago, but I think I am finally learning it

even typing out the goal was hard…one of the hardest things I’ve ever done…..why?
one minute I want it…the next I don’t…but I want it more then I don’t…I have to have it. and somehow, with God’s grace I’ll make it.

I hate myself, I eat a good 500 calories a day and throw up a good 400 of that. I do cardio at the gym 7 days a wek for 4 hours a day. Anything gross i eat like pizza or whatnot is automatically down the toilet in a good binge. I pass out all the time. My body looks great and I work as a male dancer at a famous night club. Everytime I walk by someone I feel that they are talking about how fat I am, and i hate it. but if i stop what does that bring on? FATNESS. I dont want to be anorexic. I know im bulimic an i guess im okay with that. and I dont want to be thjat either. I feel so alone in this journy and that noone will help me, What is a good alternativ??!?