live deliberately

So I did this today. I saw a problem, and I tried to fix it best I could. I don’t think I did such a bad job either.

Tough, took some courage but got these in the end!

Today was not such a great day…it’s only 11:00am too! I am a leader of a team and I lost my cool today during a race. I feel really bad about it. Really, really bad.

I let my hand and mood be driven by others. This has to stop as I really like rowing and it would be a shame if I hade to change or stop now. I guess i’ll give myself a few days then I’ll think about how to best go about fixing this problem. Bit too miffed right now.

Tomorrow!

Generally this is going really well. When it came down to it, it is actually pretty easy to get rid of bad influences in my life (and no, I’m not talking alcohol and late nights). It was at times very painful to let a the big ones go…especially when some of the big ones decided that they should be let go but not without putting in one final negative word. So to speak.

You don’t get everything.

Now those influences are gone and I feel so much better for it. Thinking things like: don’t tread on me! (Massive kudos to West Wing for that…and many other things). It all helps. It’s strange and very much the cliche that now I feel like I’m almost ready to begin again.

Whitout further ado – here’s to a deliberate start.

Henry David Thoreau, Zen masters, and Krishna of the Bhagavad Gita all praise the practice living fully, consciously, and reverently in every moment. I want to be able to fully immerse myself in every moment and to do even the most mundane activities with full attention and involvement. I want my mind to wander less and focus fully on the present moment. I hope to be able to THINK less and BE more.

I float too often. Just drift where ever. Then wonder why I’m suddenly in a very bad position. Well not this year! Oh no…this year I’m going on the record and I’m doing it deliberately.

I’m looking before I leap and, in what could only be an unprecedented move, stand down from the edge if I can’t justify the squeeze for the juice.

This year, I’m going to play it just a bit smarter (not safer).

Yes… I really want to enjoy this new year in my life! THis year wont be the same thing , THis year will be THE year!

A few years ago, I read Thoreau’s Walden and was deeply inspired by his words (in full… not just the snippets that are printed on coffee mugs):

I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, to discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practice resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms, and, if it proved to be mean, why then to get the whole and genuine meanness of it, and publish its meanness to the world; or if it were sublime, to know it by experience, and to be able to give a true account of it in my next excursion.

—Henry David Thoreau

i reallly regret soo many things in my life and i WISH that i could stand by everyting i ever did, but i’ve done soo many dumb things!!!

“The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.” Henry David Thoreau

Living deliberately has lead me to more than being in the moment. I’ve realized that I have to balance work with the rest of life which I wasn’t doing because I loved my job and wanted too stay ahead. Now I make my todo (do.monkeyfingers.org) list each morning and forget about work once I finish.

To me it means making the day happen, not sitting back and watching the day happen to me. To not rush everywhere. To be fairly well organized so that I can find things, and so that I can anticipate what’s coming up in the day. To be able to look at my “to do” list and not feel guilt, but accomplishment instead. To not have a bunch of projects going on, but instead, only a few.

Finding out how to make this happen is going to be a journey. It’s not as simple as it sounds. It will require contemplation, intention, and not screwing off, wandering around the Internet. And it will mean making the list of 43 things, and working on them.