feel comfortable in my own skin

in my own skin these day. i bought myself some new clothes, the accutane has gotten rid of my acne, and i feel more confident than i have in a long time.

I want to embrace and love who I am. I want to feel comfortable and not selfconscious about myself physically or any other way. I always think I don’t react or behave “appropriately” based on the way other people do. Like I’m weird or something. I’m tired of worrying about it and just want to be me. The best me I can be.

I am too self-conscious, and I’ve got to shake it all off because I’ve been this way too long. I am going to learn how to appreciate myself and release fear of judgement

This is easier than others. I know what I need to do to feel and look my best, but sometimes I am lazy to do it.

is this how it feels when you don’t even fit into your own skin and its getting tighter every day i’m getting smaller … if i keep holding my breath i’m going to dissapear

First thing’s first – This one will take me years to maintain, but I can’t let that get me down. ..This March Break has been very helpful in making me feel comfortable in my own skin. Thanks Joel<3

Today, I realized I have an unhealthy dependence on my foundation.

My mother told me to go to school without it (as I have no idea where I put it) and I said, “No way. I’m ugly without it.”

And it’s sad that I’ve come to believe any outwards beauty I hold comes from a bottle of Maybelline’s Pure Make Up in Porcelain Ivory.

By all accounts she is an attractive woman. You would not see her on any major magazine cover, but she is in good shape for her age. About 4 months ago, she decided that she needed to loose weight and began a journey that has led me to really question what motivates women to behave in this fashion.

It started out innocently enough, she just went about her diet and really did not make too big of a deal about it, but then that was not enough for her. She begins to analyze everything everyone around her is eating. She begins to calorie count for you as you eat, or you hear comments like: “I would have to walk for a week to work that off” and so on.

Others began to point out how annoying this was, but I did not pay too much attention to it at first. Then I am eating a Snickers bar one day in an effort to ward off the urge to kill someone and she comes into my office. “Oh” she says, “I could never eat that”, followed up by “Do you know how many calories are in that?” At this point, she is killing my chocolate high and the urge to kill is returning.

She has been successful in loosing the weight that she set out to loose, but why subject those around her to this type of scrutiny? I mean really, if you lost 6 ounces yesterday, no one cares! Who keeps a scale in their house that has units all the down to the ounce?

I understand how hard it is to loose weight and can appreciate the effort this takes. About 10 years ago, I endeavored on one of the biggest accomplishments of my life when I was 28, I began the last diet I would ever be on and lost 130lbs. I became obsessed with my body image for a short time, but never did I subject the girl trying to gain a chocolate buzz from a Snickers bar, a breakdown of the calorie count and fat content.

I know there are many societal pressures to maintain a thin body weight, but I think it is the person you are on the inside that is the most important thing. I wait for the day when a healthy lifestyle and a good character are the images you see in magazines, not anorexic women who look like they have not seen food in 6 months. In the meantime, I will eat my Snickers with doors locked and shades pulled.

I could almost say that I have achieved this but not quite. I’m definitely on the right track though. Have 2 or 3 friends that I can rely on, able to have more social relationships with work colleagues. And I’m trying to gain some muscle, but this is for ‘me’ because I want to increase my physique. The attention and what not is an added bonus. Change is not wrong, so long as I want it.

im not a 100 % there but im about 90 so im taking this off becuaes i do feel confident but its not a 24/7 thing. but everyone has those blue days. just a little bump in the road. but for now i think i feel okay