audition for something...

i don’t know what, but i want to audition for something. i can sing, i might be able to act… i dont know what i would do if i actually got anything but auditioning would be cool.

I think the last one I did was in around 1988.. oh dear… I was only a twenty four year old innocent and auditions and me didn’t seem to go together. I suffered: partly from nerves anyway, partly because I could never really work towards a goal in that way.. or at least my goals were always about playing – real playing and not about playing in an artificial environment where somehow I had to pull out all the stops knowing that instead of entertaining/moving my audience all I was doing was proving that I was a better choice than someone else – something I never really felt. I hated the idea of taking (what seemed like) bread out of someone else’s mouth. After all, music wasn’t the only thing I could do, and yet I knew plenty for whom it was.
So that was how it was for the youthful me. And then in auditions, or after them, even if you’ve played well, you never really find out. you just know that you weren’t taken. I needed (and need) lots of confidence boosting, someone to encourage me, but I was putting myself in situations that did the opposite. Anyway.. it wasn’t a good time really. It got worse after actually leaving college, when it really mattered and I began to feel that not only would I not get a job, but I knew quite clearly that I didn’t actually want (except in the way of having a bit of fun, and proving I could do it) the job of a horn player in an orchestra. Boo hoo. But I had no idea what else I might do. It was what I had been trained for, and I felt too embarrassed to tell anyone that I felt I was barking up the wrong tree. Anyway, writing this has made me think. Perhaps I should look at the whole process again, in a more mature light, perhaps I could put a more positive spin on it. Perhaps I wouldn’t need to worry myself sick over every diary entry, and be terribly upset when things went wrong – or I simply didn’t get the gig, though I thought I’d played well.
I’m trying to move on you see. At 20 I acually left music college. It’s ridiculously young, I see that now, but at the time I just felt cool that I’d managed to leave the system earlier than most. What I see now is that I was ejected into the world without a clue how to respond to it, and using a set of self made rules (that I stalwartly refused to share with anyone else!) that were ridiculously out of sync with everything that I was surrounded by..
more on this perhaps..

I really want to audition for dances and I am planning to go to NEW YORK CITY when I graduate in more than 2 years away! But, If I am fat like now, I cant. I am practice my MIA and ANA!!

I auditioned for a local improv comedy group. It’s been a few weeks and I haven’t gotten a call back, but whatever, the point is I had the balls to audition.

I auditioned for my dorms dance team and i made it… im so glad! =) auditions give me anxiety…..... buh im GONNA get over it.