be the person I have always wanted to be

and there are some things that need to be changed but I am a work in progress. Today, I feel that I will always be working on this. I will always be a work in progress. I am who I need to be right this moment and even if I wish I were a little different, I am working on all of it.

I was exactly the person I wanted to be. It was awesome. If I could do this every day, I would be ecstatic! The cool thing was “feeling” it. I have somehow lost touch of my emotions. Of how certain things feel. Not like hot or cold or pain but, love and pride and happiness. I am working on getting in touch with those feeling again and just by making this goal it has made me more aware of them. So Kudos for me. Onward I say.

I guess this is part 2 of that goal. I need to define who it is that I want to be so I can be that person. I know there are people who say, “just be yourself” but after 12 years of marriage to a man who wanted me to be a certain way, feel like I have changed and adapted into something that made hime happy. I need to find me again. Can I really say that without sounding like I am going through a mid life crisis? Well, wether I am or I am not, I still need to do it. And here I am doing it!

Ok. The person I am inside is NOT the person that everyone sees. I have so many hidden talents and gifts, yet years of abuse and rotten friends have robbed me of the person I was meant to be.

As a little girl, I’ll tell ya, my home life sucked. But I won’t get into that. However, I WILL tell you that I was on the road to being a superstar. I was smart, friendly, kind, beautiful, outgoing…People noticed me all the time, I was proud of my abilities nad accomplishments, I shined like the brightest star in the sky. I knew I could do anythig I set my mind to.

They say that misery loves company and it’s the TRUTH. For a very long time I hooked up with people that wanted me to be as miserable as they were. And it worked. I broke it off with guys I liked that were good to me because my friends didn’t like them. I look back and if I could do a Cher and turn back time, I would. Well, it’s time for this to stop. I am DONE feeling sorry for myself and walking around with my head down. I used to walk like a queen: proud and stately with my head held high. Like Diana used to sing: I’m coming out…

To be continued