stop talking to him

So beginning Monday I started a week’s cleansing of him…

It’s now Thursday and I haven’t said a word, there’s been no communication at all.

I’m happy!

I’ve gotta last until Monday then my reward is the new James Bond DVD…can’t wait!! :)

So there’s this band that I love and go to see obsessively and fanatically…when you love a band like I do, you get to know the guys not just in the band but the crew too. Well I’ve always had a thing for the band’s head of security/the lead singer’s bodyguard.

For the 12 or so times seeing the band, we’d kind of innocently flirted and stuff, but I was like ‘this is Security **’ [as he is known amongst the fans] – I have no chance. He was just a fantasy.

Until one day I end up in his hotel room, and so begins months and months of emailing everyday and becoming totally infatuated with him [we live 5000 miles and an ocean apart but hey…I wasn’t bothered.]

Anyway, long story short – I find out he is living with someone back in America, and she has found out about us and it’s all very very messy. What an asshole, right?

I know, I KNOW that we can never be together…it isn’t possible. But, I still can’t stop talking to him. He’s the first guy I ever fell in love with and I’m finding it hard to get over him. Every time I say ‘I’m never talking to you again’, about 2 days later I email him apologizing and groveling…it’s pathetic.

SO THIS IS MY GOAL – to stop talking to him. Because if I don’t, things will only get worse (for me) and I’ll just seem more and more pathetic and desperate in his eyes.

Wish me luck…

Everytime i break it off, it starts over…and worse. I dated a man 13 yrs my senior and never thought i cared much for him. I ended it on my birthday because he was so controling. Always worried and asking so many questions. After he almost instantly went back to his x, i figured..good, its over. And since then its been almost a year of us secretly texting and emailing. Wish i could just say NO..wish he could just say NO for me.

I’m so proud of myself. I saw him Friday and Saturday, and I barely said a word. I feel so good, it’s just crazy. I never imagined I would feel this way, so happy, because I didn’t talk to him. I think the spell has finally broken! I’m just going to keep this on the list for awhile, just so I don’t forget. But by the end of the year, this is one goal I WILL have accomplished!

When I talk to him, all it does is mess up my head. I don’t think it’ll be too hard to ignore him if I make a conscious effort. It really will make my world a lot better and clearer if he’s not a part of it.

God I hate to love him and love to hate him… I need to get him out of my life for good.

starting on 12/22/07

if its because he stopped talking to me? he stopped calling for a while and then when i finally tried, his number was disconnected.

i only say its not worth doing because its left completely open with no closure.

There’s no reason to talk to a guy who’s had sex with 43 people when I’m trying to save myself for marriage. He is not someone I should be dating. And then, he tells me that he slept with a 44th person in basically the same sentance when he said he wanted to take me out on a date. He can’t try to get me to be his girlfriend and sleep with someone at the same time. I literally gagged at the though.

It’d be best to just stop talking to him. I told him I couldn’t talk to him anymore, but I doubt he believes me.

I have got to stop talking to him. Every time I do—I break more of my heart. He just wants to be friends, and he is certainly not a friend…he has proven that to me.

I cannot accept his ‘promises’ right now .. what idiot in their right mind would? He broke multiple promises to me and though he is a great guy .. I can’t keep fogging my world up.

I’ve done this before - it didn’t last - I have to do better.