accept my weakness

but I did accept my weaknesses. I still don’t like them and I’m working to overcome them. The good thing is I feel comfortable talking about them with the people I love, and I feel better when I do it.

I never thought this goal would be as hard as it is. On a very rational level, I have already become aware of my my own flaws and I know everyone has weaknesses, it’s okay, it’s just human, bla bla bla. In my heart and soul, however, I am still ashamed of not being a perfect person and I think I’ve disappointed too many people because of that. I have someone in my life now who loves me deeply as I am. He knows pretty much everything about me, I’m very honest about my feelings and thoughts with him, and he still thinks I am a wonderful person. That’s a new (pleasant and odd) experience, I hope I can learn from it. Everyone should experience this kind of unconditional love at least once in life: it’s the only thing that can possibly heal a heart which is broken in so many pieces as mine is.

If the ones I love still love me deeply in spite of my weaknesses, why can’t I love myself the same way?

I don’t follow my heart and intuitiion enough, had i done this, I’d be living in Germany, would be master of my own life and be more happy. I have to be stronger, my own best friend and defender of my personal rights again…

I think I have made significant progress in this goal. I know my limits, and I occasionally take the time to take care of myself (it’s more often than I did before). I’ve been more open to discuss my weaknesses – yes, plural! – with some people who are important in my life, and I realized that sharing, in fact, is helpful. I know, however, that I haven’t totally accepted my weaknesses because I can’t forgive myself for some feelings, thoughts and decisions I made in the past. The day I’m able to do that I’ll be happy again.

I believe that accepting my weakness is the only way to get rid of it, or at least to learn to deal with it. Right now it’s too damn painful.

...but I can’t show my weakness. What a dilema!

i can´t. i have to be strong for those who need me. it´s killing me but still. they´re above my own needs.

i don´t want to be strong anymore. i don´t want to fake that i am.