sell everything

the minute I start thinking about selling anything I am filled with the fear of letting go! I can use anything! I cry out! but I’ve yet to test that, I’ve just got too much stuff!

If I truly can find a use for anything, would I need everything? Maybe I should trust that I can find anything I need when I need it instead…

I have a plan, to build myself just one piece of furniture, an almost self contained living space – a room within a room. Only keeping what I can inside it’s chambers and compartments. A bed and a workspace. A habitat like Urchin’s tank for myself. If I can’t fit it in I don’t need it. Constraints are the essence of freedom. By containing myself I create space. With wisdom and art I can make that space an extension of my self, while keeping the core stable. A real tower from which to govern my domain! A micro kernel for living!

_{ahem, just some thoughts, for now.}

“The wise man carries his possessions within him.”
—Bias

The Shovel Wise Man

I doubt that I should be so wise, I’ll need a shovel to go camping with :P

this will take some time. I don’t own much now, but I would like to own less.

Selling takes time and energy, and while progress has been made in the selling, I’ve also been aquiring other things. Things I can use to make even further things like tshirts and eggs!

Between no time and still buying things (though of a different type) my goal to get rid of it all feels hollow. I will never live in the empty house I often dream of, at least not for some, countless amount of time.

I give.

...is a tough mantra.

Sometimes it takes a while to find the use of something. I’ve held onto things for years before I figured out an excellent use. Sometimes only months. Some things I have sold off and had to require when their use was re-imagined.

Hm.

My wife is out tonight and I’m going to use the evening to prep a massive load of listings to upload tomorrow. I used ‘load’ twice in that sentence.

This even though I got into a small altercation with one of my auction winners from two weeks ago today. He was upset because his item wasn’t there yet, even though he paid via money order which he sent three days after the auction was over and he chose ‘media mail’ as his method of delivery. And he’s the one calling me ‘buddy’ over email. And not in a nice way. Some people.

But I must carry on, I need the money, and I need to get these piles of possessions out of here. This is going to be a big one…

...are hard to let go of.

For a long while, the sight of these things alone seems to warm you. I was going to list more things on eBay today, and looking at these pretty things, very much wanted to keep them.

But I thought, if I did keep them, nothing would ever change.

I want things to change, to keep on changing. I listed half of the pretties, and am setting up to list the other half next weekend, as I like them to end on Sunday, mid-day, and I did not have enough time to get all the auctions ready.

Enough time for me to reconsider selling the other half, yes I know, but I think the momentum will serve me, as well as that realization that I rather don’t need these things, at least not as much as I actually need to not have these things.

I have one, maybe two, high end (more complicated, higher level of worth) auctions to do before the mire of the average.

I realized as I took the nine photos for the one auction’s many parts I managed to finish today that they make me terribly nervous for some reason. Perhaps it’s the amount of money involved, fear of accidentally misleading or misrepresenting the item, or fear that after it’s all over, the auction winner will come back at me and want their money back (when I really need it to pay a credit card bill).

I’ll probably feel better after a few bids/few days, but damn, for now, my stomach is boiling in anxiety.

But now we are going to be Best Buddies.

I am tired of my debt, whether incurred from aimless or aimful aquisitions, or from medical pursuits. Though this is more work in and of itself, it is a subgoal of ‘scale back.’

I am tired of all my stuff.

Instead of going through and thinking about what I want to sell and hemming and hawing, I will go through and decide what must be kept. Somehow this seems to be a better approach. What is necessary beyond all the items I use to ‘make stuff.’

At the end, when the stuff is gone, there will still be debt remaining, they do not equal one another, but still.

Steps must be taken.

Weight will be lightened by what’s been lost.