be productive with my intelligence

... pun intended.

I share my knowledge and what I know, and that seems to make other people smarter and more productive themselves. I’m good at what I do, and that seems to make others more productive with own intelligence.

But overall, I’ve figured out that being productive with my own intelligence is my own state of mind and being fulfilled from within, not from outside.

So I started a new job almost 3 months ago. Still librariany, just in a different kind of library (museumy-type stuff in fact but all related to finding stuff.) Sure, it takes a while to figure up from down, office politics and the like, but jeez. After this much time, one would think I would know up from down. But no, because it would appear my brain is made of cement, or is full enough and can no longer learn, or something.

Email to the colleague I am shadowing (and who is immidently leaving; yes that’s right, I am her replacement): “Oh my goodness, how can one possibly learn all of this stuff? And how come there are so many vocabularies for every single aspect of description!”

I feel dumb and stupid and helpless and brain-made-o’-cement. Solid mass that is weighing my shoulders down.

WTF was I thinking. Because this sure ain’t being productive.

That’s how my brain feels. It’s how I felt when I got back from the absosmurfly excellent conference I was at last week. And it’s how my brain feels now. I have all these excellent ideas, and I feel like I’m some cog in the wheel. I wish I had more time to make good on these ideas I have in my brain. Maybe working half as much as I do. Maybe if I could sleep with one eye open. Maybe if I just stopped sleeping altogether.