get over him

Damn you…!

he’s going to be in the same country as me…. for the 1st time since he broke my heart…. turns out i’m not as strong as i thought i was as i cant stop the tears coming… I just dont know what to do. I’m dying to get in touch with him.

I’ve been wanting him back, missing him so badly these few months.

but recently, i heard rumours of him with a colleague. somehow that was a slap in the face. and, a wake up call.

hearing him with another person kinda makes me feel like it’s over and done, that i can (or have no choice but to?) move on now.

honestly, i’m not that sad. or not yet? i don’t know.

i just feel slightly stronger. i have no right to think about him as often as i did.

Still in love with him. I miss him madly. I want him all the time. I’m surrounded by songs and smells and places that evoke painful nostalgia. I have not seen the most beautiful boy in the world for a whole month. I hope I meant half as much to him as he was to me.

What an asshole.

i know i shouldnt be feeling like this, i liked him before we even started talking, for some reason i was just atracted to him despite the fact that i didnt know him. And even then i knew he wasnt right for me and knew that if i did get to know him i would only end up hurt, because thats who he is. And everybody who knows him or has herd of him knows it, not many people like him and i was warned about him so much.
When we started talking it was the best feeling ever, it was like i didnt deserve to be talking to him even though he isnt a nice person, he’s not particurlarly clever and to be honest, not even that good looking. But i was so in to him i couldnt stop thinking about him, it was like he made my life worth living and he was the reason i actually enjoyed getting up in the morning, because i knew i might see him.
But we got close, we talked a lot! and even in the middle of the night i would get texts from him and it would make me actually smile so much. We were sort of seing each other, but i never actually got to see him that much so it was hard. And then one day out of the blue, i know it sounds pathetic but i noticed on facebook that his relationship status had changed, and he was in a relationship with a girl called Jasmine. I couldnt quite believe it at first, but then it was the most believable thing ever, i knew it would happen, i had warned myself, and other people had warned me.
I left it a couple of days and i didnt hear from him, and though i know how needy it sounds now, i text him. I had to find out what he had to say. It wasnt much, aparently it wasnt planned they had just been friends. And now if it was ok with me he wanted us to be friends.
I cant get him off my mind and i think i am in love with him, even though he hurt me, and i know i cant have him. I am so young and i know i dont know what love really means, and i dont want to be in love with him but i cant help thinking that i am.
I dont know what to do, everything reminds me of him, i sound so stupid and i can even see that myself but i didnt choose this, i tried to talk myself out of it before it got too seriouse but i just couldnt. And now i feel so lost!
What do i do?

I’ve just seen his smiling face staring back at me from a picture, it’s my own fault for looking at it, but I feel sick. I miss him so much, i’m not ready to let go.

Enough is enough … I can’t do it anymore, and it is time for me to move on. He is breaking my heart, but not only that, breaking me as a person, and that has got to stop. This journey looks like a hell of an uphill trek from down here in the dark corner he has pushed me into, but I am determined to crawl out, climb that mountain and be much better off without him. Wish me luck, God knows I’ll need it!!

I love him…but it’s not the right place or the right time….
so I need to get over him…but it hurts.

guess who has jealousy issues??

:((

I told him that he wouldn’t be hearing from me again, and that I don’t want to speak to him again, or hear about how shit he’s feeling. It felt pretty harsh, but I think it’s the only way to achieve this goal. When we broke up I managed to not contact him for two weeks, and even though it was incredibly hard it felt like the right thing. It was him who wormed his way back in, as I found out, with no clear intentions about what he wanted to do about the situation. I need to cut him off now. I know he’ll contact me again, but I need to be strong enough to completely ignore his attempts. I can’t continue to be treated like this by someone who once claimed to love me.