keep my mouth shut

I speak my mind too much sometimes, I need to learn how to keep for myself.

it’s not that I really cause trouble by talking too much. Or really disrupt anything much at all. I can only keep very important secrets. Otherwise, I let my opinion and what I’ve heard free. I think someone needs to call me on something so I shut up for awhile… maybe. meh

It’s never going to happen. I’m a mouthy chick. I am what I am.

I make a joke at the wrong time. I make suggestions when people don’t want them. I let a secret slip out. I share my personal feelings when they should be kept private. If only I had a four second delay between my brain and my mouth.

I guess this would be the part where I tell an embarassing moment sort of story and then all will be well and then i’ll just find another reason to open my mouth again. to tell you the truth i really don’t care what people think of me and i believe that would be either my virtue or my down fall. i have so many different opinions and they all need to be voiced. I tell it as it is and i expect no one else to hold back.

I’ve got such loose lips that sink ships.

I wrote to a couple of my friends about a weekend with my boyfriend and his family. Somehow, or other, he “found” it, read it and we were nearly at the point of breaking up.

It’s not like I feel disagreeable feelings towards people, but the woman in me just wants to gossip or have something to complain about. It’s a bad habit that I’m not sure where I picked up. I used to keep to myself. Now I’m starting to really screw things up because of my big mouth, haha. I know what the cause of all of it is: low self-esteem. I never thought I’d be that person who took her bad self-image out on others, but it’s becoming more and more apparent. Ick. The more I do it, though, the worse I feel about myself. The temporary relief in schaudenfreude is such a red herring.

I’ll be going good for a while – I won’t say much and I’ll play it cool. Then, when questioned a few times, I spew miscellaneous facts and stupid stories so fast that I forget words and end up telling a story in a mosaic of fragments. My brain just feels as if it’s making up for lost time, and in this, it abandons all sense of moderation. I won’t make any sense either. It actually sounds like another language, or a 5 year-old talking excitedly. If someone doesn’t cut me off, I doubt I’d ever get to the point of the story. Sometimes, I’ll just stop mid-blabber and no one will ask me what happens next. There will be no encouragement to continue. Ah, I was so much more confident and personable in college. Now I’ve turned into that girl. You blow, karma.

Last night at bowling I was talking to Tambear and a new guy that a teammate brought for her to meet. I was trying to introduce them, show them that they had things in common and all that.. i meant well, but just wouldn’t shut up. Tambear and I bet that if i rolled a strike I could keep talking and if I missed, I’d shut up. She got in front of me in the lanes and was jumping up and down, acting like a fool, and just making lots of noise to distract me. The entire bowling center stopped bowling to watch her.
I shut up about 45 minutes later. It was a good night.

I would just be talking to my boyfriend and then i’ll piss him off and then i won’t stop i’ll just keep going. And its not just him its everyone else. Sometimes people just piss me off and then i won’t stop. I’ll lay all their $hi% on the table. Sometimes its okay but i’ll keep going. I need to say everything.

I give out more information than is necessary. Sometimes it’s to build a rapport with someone, which isn’t always bad - but the habit carries over into situations where it might be better just to keep my mouth shut. Sometimes it’s to demonstrate my credibility or knowledge on an issue, and that can really come back and bite you in the ass. I’m a notoriously bad liar, but the unfortunate corollary is that sometimes in my truth-telling zeal I tell people more than they need to know. That’s what it really comes down to - learning how to be more discreet with information.