be a better partner

I just had a really nice weekend where I spent “quality time” with my partner. He’s highlighted the things I do that make him feel unappreciated or left out and I’ve resolved to work on them.

Feel very happy about our relationship right now.

My partner is really good with spontaneous gifts and messages of love and I’m just not. I tend to think to myself how much I love him and then forget to let him know. Anyway, I’m going to look for ways I can be more demonstrative and impulsive with him.

I feel like I’ve a long way to go. Things would be so much easier if things were simpler, but they’re not…they never are. This goal is tough, but I can figure this one out.

This past weekend was the 3rd anniversary of my me & my partner’s first date. We decided to go out to dinner to this new sushi place and rent a movie. I was doing a boot drive that morning and she had to work till 5; so I finished up at the boot drive around 1:00ish, swung by the bank and picked up some money, grabbed some cough drops (she’s had a sore throat), and went by a little store we’d visited over the summer to pick her up a music box that she’d adored when she first saw it.
The story here. When we saw the music box a few months back, we didn’t have the money to get it, but more importantly the shop owner said he’d be going out of business soon. Fortunately, the store was still open and the item was still there (they had a couple variations, but only one that was her favorite); plus he had all the items discounted so it didn’t cost as much as it had over the summer.
So I pick her up from work and we headed home to clean up before our big date. On our way to dinner we’re talking and the whole time I’m thinking how I’m going to give it to her. We’re rounding the corner to our restaurant and she sees a souvenir that we picked up out West and says she’s got a present for me…Bingo! I tell her that she has to do it right and I park the car. I close my eyes and tell her to surprise me with it. She places it in my hand and says “surprise!” Then I say “Ok, your turn.” She closes her eyes expecting me to do the same, then she hears the bag moving (I’d wrapped it in tissue paper and stuck it in a bag under my seat). I remind her to keep her eyes closed and she starts to smile, then I place it in her lap.
She opens her eyes and unwraps the paper. It’s her music box. She starts to cry and confesses she thought she’d never be able to get. I give her a hug, wish her happy anniversary and we go enjoy dinner (after she wipes her face). After dinner I take her out to desert with the money I saved with the discount.

Although I am not a bad partner, I could be better. I could improve on this.

I think I’ve taken my boyfriend for granted for the greater part of our relationship. I’m trying really hard now to make sure he knows that I do appreciate him. There were times when I was not sure if I wanted to be with him and now I have realised that I do indeed want to share my the rest of my life with him and go through life experiences with him. It’s just very hard for me to share my feelings with him for some reason. I’m going to try to be more vocal and affectionate with him now.

I’ll apreciate some thoughts on this.

Overall, I’m doing better. Tonight, not so much. :-( It’s hard to communicate with someone who goes out of his way to avoid conflict, and when I’m not at my best, well. I have room to improve.

Generally, though, I’m doing better at being open, and respectful. The external scrutiny has been helpful to me, to shine the light on the many mistakes I’ve been making.

Each day is a new opportunity to do better.

I think things have been a lot better. The boyfriend now has an internship that keeps him busy during the day so he isn’t calling me all the time. A lot of the problem was that I had work during the day and for awhile he’s just been going to school. He was bored and depressed about being alone all the time.

Now that we are both busy, it makes the time we see each other a lot more special. I feel better about our relationship. I still need to work on being a better partner, but not being stressed about the relationship dynamics does help a lot.

the sunday night meetings are going well. the best thing about them, for me, is that we can also catch up on things that we’ve missed during the week. AND we can tell each other the good things, as well as the “bad”. we both forgot about one meeting, but we’ve met 3 times total since we decided to do this, so I think we’re close to making it a habit.