be more responsible

i used to be such a good kid.
i always did what i was told, and if i didn’t, it was never a big deal, because i never slipped up.
but lately, something has been off, and i’m messing up all over the place.
i just had sex randomly, with a boy i really, really care about, and thats in know way me.
i got an underage citation for drinking, that’s not really me either.
i don’t like what’s happening, and i don’t like what i’m getting myself into.
i’m starting the change right now.
there is NO sense in waiting around to better myself.

I smell PROGRESS!

I’m very excited for myself. I have procrastinated on being more responsible (curse that habit!), but I’ve done things that I would just let sit there. I’m making smaller lists than my 43 things to help keep me on track. It breaks it down for me and what I need to do. Today, I got 4 things done on my list and then while doing one of them, something else poped up. And guess what? I jumped right on it and got it done.

Finally! I’m seeing how I need to change parts of my life and taking notes so it can happen!!

It’s hard to do this when you’re holding on to being a child..

I want to be responsible.I want people to remember as somebody who was serious about his work.I will be sharper each time ,if any problem comes up.

When I was younger, I was the most responsible child ever. Then I met my ex, who completely stripped me of all my responsibility. Since then, I can’t seem to get a grasp on it again… My mom and family constantly call me irresponsible, and now my ex (the love of my life) is doing it too!!! I want to be better for him, and for me. But how the hell do you learn responsibility??

I feel I’m failing at this a little…I’m spending money like water, I’m procrastinating on important things, and my room and my car are a mess. I need to clean up my act (and my place) and get a move on on this!!

I’ve been better about this lately, out of the blue. Still all the responsibility I have taken on lately makes me realize that more and more will be coming to me as I age. If I willingly take on bigger and bigger challenges I can maybe avoid becoming the trainwreck my mother is—I don’t want to wander through my life avoiding everything like she does.

I still have to do 18 observation hours, and classes are starting on Monday!! Also, I need to talk to the KUMRC about having a site at Faire, I need to get all A’s this semester, I haven’t gotten my books yet (only need 3!!), I need to get all my clearances done, etc. Arrgh! I let some of it go too long; others, I just couldn’t help with the weather and the time of year. It’s not a great start, but I will get everything done on time!! I have to!

Me being in New England, we get tons of snow in the winter. On December 12, we had an ice storm and so I had no school that Friday. And then it turned out the ice storm was so bad that we didn’t have school for the whole next week. And then, Christmas vacation started the next week on the 22nd. Our Christmas Vacation ends on January 5, so therefore I will have gone 3 weeks without school. This was surprisingly pretty beneficial because I got pretty much totally caught up on my homework, I did an extra credit project for my English class, and I voluntarily did some cleaning and cooking around the house. And I enjoyed it! Let’s see if I can keep it up. :}

I would love to be more responsible about my life. I feel i don’t take responsibilities for any think. im 20.. i feel the im getting old for not taking any actions i want to change it so bad..Im going to try..