Got told again today that I was too hard on myself, and that I wasn’t bringing people down at work but almost the opposite.
But that essentially still lots to improve on so. 11 months ago

Today I think my actions did speak louder as I got on with stuff and it was mentioned how quick I am, and hard working and driven and all that junk.
So not too bad. 14 months ago

I didnt read your entry. Dont take that as an offense. I am reasonable right now, as I am that kind of man now. I say that I didnt read it..because..what I saw as I skimmed across those many sentences seemed dangerous.

My entries in their entirety as of late had nothing to do with you. And the one portion that did pertain to you was in praise of you, honor of our memories and love of it.

I am sorry if you read my writings in your own way, human beings are like that. We think too much and feel too little. There is room for everyone. People from across the Globe are free to read them in their own light, cleverness, feeling, humanity, kindness, gentleness and even in their hatred and violence and power.

The very nature of our brotherhood and sisterhood cry out for understanding and patience as well as Wisdom in the face of misery because the hate we feel will pass. And so long as human beings die on battlefields for us to feel as we desire to feel in justification of ourselves we are free to feel as we want!

Feel as you want and do not enslave yourself in the feeling that I am your enemy. I do not goosestep you into cynicism. More than anything we need luster. Do not despair…I have not unruffled and taken away the buff of your shine.

I am not a machine. I am a man. I dont hate, only the unloved hate. I feel love even in times where I have to find that love from the largest Oak I can find, the strongest flowing river I can discover the most magnificent skies these eyes have the ability to “see” though those eyes may be the eyes of my heart.

Even when we have lost a way…speed can find one. Trains, planes, automobiles. But, the fastest way to the impossible is within. Within ourselves. Within our realm, which is unfathomable possibility. Love, pursuit, belief and faith make anything your mind, your heart, your soul and your impossible pursuits possible.

I am not a slave, and so I cannot be told what to think and what to do and what to feel. I am a victom of a system that tortures men and is bitter towards progress.

I am not cattle. I am a man. I am natural. I fight for myself and my liberty. I create happiness. I create machines. I am free to make this life a wonderful adventure.

And so…more than technology I need you. For without you I am lost and without Unity. 15 months ago

This is from my works performance review thing; obviously good is the minimum for me in my head. But that’s the lowest – we’ll wait and see but this should sort of be all the time. lol it’s the dead work again.

- Exceptional Performance
Significantly outperformed against expected level of KPI’s/Objectives
Business competencies demonstrated are significantly above the expected level

- High Performance
Delivered more than expected level of KPI’s/Objectives. Business competencies demonstrated are above the expected level

- Good performance
Delivered expected level of KPI’s/Objectives. Business competencies demonstrated are at the expected level

- Progressing
Majority of KPI’s/Objectives were delivered. Business competencies demonstrated are progressing to the expected level

- Performance requires improvement
Majority of KPI’s/Objectives have not been delivered at the required level. Business competencies demonstrated are regularly below the required level 15 months ago

but my head is down and im a brut force of forward movement right now like im rounding first base and headed to second with hopes that this will be a triple!

Im taking care of people around me with running errands, im reconnecting with Ryan, Donah and my sister.

I meet with a prosecutor this week to finalize a case thats been open for a year. Im working with an attorney in california to get the courts approval of online alcohol classes here in Indiana. done and done.

I will know within a week if I can get my job search on and I will also know within this week if I will have a new car with the downpayment I am saving up.

In the summer I will be taking more college classes

I have started eating well and doing push ups. (I would love to work at a gym again..so I will keep that career field in mind here in the next couple weeks)

Im not “selling” myself as a person anymore, I am doing things, acting upon things and not reacting upon some other things…all in all, its a quiet time in my life where all my actions do the talking because evey ounce of my energy and focus is needed to take care of some things. I dont say much these days to people unless im writing or answering a text. It feels good to take that power back.

Cheers everyone. 16 months ago

I have learned, over time, that I considered most people idiotic or numb mentally when it came to intelligence, objective reasoning or even matters of the heart. I mean, I still do…but instead of repeating my reasoning, observations or thoughts over and over in many different ways to find the one that finally “strikes” a chord with them….I just seem to not respond as quick, I think for a moment and say something simple, playful or lighthearted. I say it once… I say nothing else…I let them do with it what they can or will do…wait for a response and go from there. Its far more effective then cramming things down someones throat or heart or brain. And it requires less energy, you wont get worked up and let down or hurt.
Fire is met with resistance and flame retardants. So dont be an on fire retard…you will get put out or everyone will get burned. 16 months ago

Going forward is the only way. I’m trying on this one, less talky more do…do-y yea it works. There’s eight days left until new years (I really don’t go with years as such) and then we’ve got the whole of the rest of time.
I feel a real drive with this as I’m getting bored with myself as is. 17 months ago

Like slow burn says action is key here, act…ion: act to do and stuff…erm well and ion is a charged particle…anyway enough etymology :P
It’s just getting things done – which I do just not enough. 17 months ago

Head set on with supportive, bangin music that motivates you moves you and groves you. sit and write out the plans from short term as in the next step TODAY and get to action on it. on all things, make a grid…mark progress on each thing as some will affect others and some will involve progress in other areas of your life. If your goal is to be a millionaire and you live on the street you have to work with what you got. YOU HAVE TO WORK WITH WHAT YOU GOT. you have to work with what you got and build…and build..and build. 17 months ago

My actions recently haven’t been great, but I am making an effort essentially to not talk so much. Plus without it sounding super super shallow been thinking about my appearance because if there’s one thing I should be able to control it’s that.
So if I look the part maybe I’ll be treated and act the part. 17 months ago

Right now this would be perfect for me. Sadly what few actions I have all say dick rather than anything positive. 18 months ago

For me this is the idea of people almost not knowing what I do as it’s just right in the end so they don’t see it as difficult or anything. It just flows. In turn people let me get on with it and rely on me like that.
It does feel like I’m rather far away from that to be fair. 20 months ago

Really don’t feel I’m doing this at all. Unless my actions are meant to speak loudly that I don’t do anything. 22 months ago

I have returned to one hour of meditation each morning and this was a huge message that came out of my meditation. Shut up! Let others live their own lives and I need to work on mine. The image that came to my mind was, if my yard is a mess and I keep telling people (daughter, love, sons, friends) how to clean up their yard, I am a fool.

Shutting up now. Printing my list and getting busy. 22 months ago