move on

I trust myself to do this because I am a strong person, and I have managed to get over a lot. I have the ability to move on with my life no matter what. A person can only achieve this goal by faith; as a Muslim I trust Allah to help me through.

whenever something bad happen to u, try to follow my three steps:p

First, you should cry for as long as you like, it depends on what happened. After you get tired of crying, you never ever cry or be sad again. Just get it out of your system once and for all.

Second, think about the other options and possibilities, there is got to be something. Life takes away from us, but it gives us a lot in return. You should be smart enough to realize your opportunities and options.

Third make your self busy with something useful, it will ease the pain and it could be one of the options I mentioned previously. Creativity emerges from tragedies and pain, think about all the great people in life who found their path through their pain.

At the end you will move on weather you followed my steps or didn’t because moving on is a human nature, it’s a bless actually. We all move on with our lives, but at different rates, I am just trying to make it easier for me and for you

a lot harder than i thought it would be

I’m doing it, finally trying to move on and mean it this time. Love is a beautiful thing to experience, but things happen and then the love and trust is broken. Its my time now to get back out there, meet people, go on dates, have fun but maintain my dignity. I’m ready, and I know I’ve got support.

You say you love me.

No you don’t

You tell me I’m beautiful.

I am beautiful. You have no idea though.

I don’t hate you.

I don’t love you.

I’m numb. The tears have dried.

It’s too late, too much damage done.

I’m your second, third, fourth choice. No thank you.

You let me know how little you love and respect me, time and again.

Get out of my house.

Warm kisses on my neck, arms hold me tight.

My body responds.

I can handle it. It doesn’t mean I expect anything…more.

Where are you going?

Who are you?

I want to feel.

Love.

Letting go of different things, moving on from different things. I will not delineate them all here; I am already too busy walking.

One of these things is 43T. There are people here on 43T that I am happy to be friends with and would like to keep up with. But I am not going to stay. My time here is simply over, the season passed. I have invested energy in other projects and places that call for my attention now, and that is where I need to be.

am I supposed to move on when he is always here?

Last weekend drunk and horny

Now helpful and gentle

Whatever..it matters not. I am not trying to meet anyone else for quite some time.

He can’t sleep at his place he says, also no shower there.

Perhaps I take our “relationship” for what it is?

I’ve no idea what is going on here.

He doesn’t communicate, never has and I am long past caring to communicate with him anymore…or caring to analyze his intentions.

I just more or less do my thing and deal with him when I need to in a very passive way.

still stubbornly remains in the back of my mind at every waking moment.

I don’t want him when i see him but he is still a part of me, a big part of my life.

at the thought of ever trying to get to know anyone again.

First the unlikelyhood of meeting someone who I can connect with, also the fear of giving myself again.

I said many times that if he breaks my heart I’m done. I said it half joking but knowing full well that I’d fallen so deeply that the pain of the tearing apart would be devestating. I knew it would be….what could ever compare to that?

When I talk to him, at times the feelings are gone and at times I look back thinking, “What if..?” When I hear his voice, memories come back..but I’d rather have it forgotten. I’m ready to move on, and I’m getting there.

to the art show going on in the studio he’s living in. He dug out all of his art from his parents’ and brother’s houses, nothing to show from the past 4 years, stuff from when he was still in school.

Claims noone else is in his life…whatever.

This reliving his college days thing is so pathetic. I guess it would be good if he would get back into art, music, writing but I can’t help but resent him living a bachelor life while I take care of our family. I am where I want to be, don’t get me wrong, I just think it’s lame that he’s decided to act 20 again. He could have still pursued those things, having a family. He’s done many many hours of nothing that could have been filled with music and art instead of video games and (boxed) wine. puke

I think/hope he just wants me to bring baby girl so she can see/experience the art show.

I don’t understand what he’s doing. I don’t want to go but feel obligated now to let L experience it…don’t want to give her up…also don’t want to really go socialize in my mushy belly, post partum, frequent nursing state. My son already said he didn’t want to go but honestly, I think he’d like it and could possibly even encourage his interest in art…

Maybe I give the kids to him and I’ll come back here with the baby and fold laundry….

We’ve been entirely civil and even sweet to one another regarding taking the baby back and forth. I can’t help but wait for the inevitable bullshit to come.