have a relationship

I feel so bad nowadays. i need to be in love
I need to take care of someone, which I think I perfectly can do, and I need to be taken care of.
there is that gurl that I like but I dunno i’m too shy to tell her and I’m afraid I might be rejected. This fear of rejection makes me also doubt whether it is just admiration that I have for a gurl or love at an early stage.

It would be nice for someone to like me back for once

i talk to a boy a couple weeks and i find something something wrong with them. i try to be less judgmental i cant commit to anyone. i know its me not them.

I am a tough person. Strong, independent and successful, or so everyone thinks. Inside I’m a complete mess, a thousand voices in my head, and a thousand doubts. Right now I’ve been seeing an amazing man for 3 weeks, he adores me, wants to plan a future with me and all I want to do is run, run as far as I can and hide. Why is that? Why is it so impossible to feel happy in a relationship that I am willing to sabotage it before it’s even had a chance. I don’t want to be controlled or trapped, yet I know he would never do that to me. Is it because I feel the same towards him and realise that this is it, this is as good as it gets. When you strive for the impossible and finally get it, is it good enough? Why isn’t it good enough?