treat my friends better

but I think I’ve done a good job of this. I’ve gotten a lot better at listening, at being friends with people who have very different opinions, at calling people back, etc. :)

my roommate, who has been going through a lot of drama with a particular girl who she thought was her friend, who has since proved herself anything but…

But, the other day, my roommate stopped and said, “And you know what I just realized? I thought to myself, ‘Sarah really has been there for me, I can talk to her about anything, and she really is my best friend.’ So now you know.”

It made me feel fantastic.

:)

I worry too much about my friends. It hurts when my good intentions are taken the wrong way. It hurts when I try to be a good listener, when I try to just.. when I’m not trying to do anything bad, and it is not appreciated the way I thought it would be. But I guess part of being a good friend is letting go.

So I’ll let go.

I’ve been doing a good job, I think, of spreading out my time between friends. And I’m trying to reach out more, and definitely flake out less.

The hardest thing I’m dealing with right now is what to do to help my friend who recently (Saturday night) lost her father. They had asked (through my mom) for some time alone, but I went ahead and called her tonight. Left her a voicemail saying that I was going to be back in town on Wednesday, and I really would just love to see her.

I just want to give her a big hug.

On a side note, even though he and I don’t understand each other AT ALL… I do not know what I would do without my daddy.

:(.

One of my friends killed herself yesterday.

I am crushed, deflated, squished, emptied, smeared, terrified.

Why didn’t I tell her how much I cared about her. Why didn’t she know how much she was loved. Why didn’t she talk to anyone about it. Why didn’t she let us help. Why didn’t I know better. Why wasn’t I listening? Why didn’t she let me fix it? I can fix things I could have listened why didn’t she know how much we all love her

Why can’t I just wake up and have this be a rough draft? A farce. An act. A dress rehearsal.

(Because the terrifying thing is, you don’t get any UNDO or RESTART option, and I can’t do anything, and I don’t know if I can forgive myself for letting her feel so hopeless.)

I’ve been making a serious effort on this one, especially in regards to listening to people more, and talking about people behind their backs less. I’ve been spending a lot more time with friends I haven’t seen in awhile, which makes me happy, and trying my best to keep in touch with those that don’t live close to me. :)

I think my current goal is going to be to call one person every day just to chat. Which sounds little, but actually would take a ton of time if I actually did it. And even if it was just a, “Wow, you’re alive? That’s awesome. Talk to you later!” at least I’d feel like I was still in contact with people! :) I realized I miss being in a relationship a lot because I miss having someone to call and talk to about my day. But that’s what friends are for, too! So… I feel like sometimes, people want to be my friend and I don’t let them because I put things that aren’t as important (school) before them. And so I’m going to stop doing that! People need people, and I need to make sure my friends know how much I love and cherish every one of them!

:)

A long catch-up e-mail can be substituted in place of a call, as well maybe. :)

So, the mean bitch you think I am. I’m not friends with her anymore. Which is a good thing.
I’m treating myself better now, which in turn makes me a better friend to the real ones.

So, the mean bitch you think I am. I’m not friends with her anymore. Which is a good thing.
I’m treating myself better now, which in turn makes me a better friend to the real ones.

This is something that is truly hard for me. I get to the point where I’m very close to someone, and then for some reason (character flaw?) I feel like I have the right to [insert dumb thing here]. Example: When Scott and I were dating, we were so close, and I felt like I had the right to most (all) of his time, his evenings, his body, etc. Which is not true. And I need to remind myself of that.

I think I’ve done a much better job this year of keeping in touch with people, especially my friends at other schools, or the girls who aren’t in my sorority. But it’s still something that I want to keep on the list because I want it to be an ongoing thing… and because I have a long way to go before I feel like I give my friends all the love and respect that they truly deserve… because they are amazing for putting up with some of the things I do sometimes. :)

dammit. why is it that i have to be friends with her? am i to be responsible that she would be without anyone if she didnt have me? this may sound rude and mean, but shes not the person she used to be. and whats better? me treating her like trash now, or me letting her out of my life?
well you may think i am mean, but i cant stand her anymore. i have made subconcious decisions to be mean to her before i even see her. i think a way to treat my friends better is to tell them how i really feel?