Stop saying things I don't mean

i’m learning

It’s pretty permanent in me now, not to feel comfortable telling little white lies, stroking egos, selling myself in various normal yet deceptive ways. It is distinctly yuck, and totally transparent now in the people who do it to me, which reinforces my distaste. Part of it just maturing, and learning to respect myself enough not to cover up what I really ought to say, or filling an appropriate (if awkward) silence with something I shouldn’t have said. Words are sacred, and I have learned that in a way I won’t forget. Done.

I’m back in the USA, country rife with little white lies and ego-stroking, and I am happy to say, at two months in, that I’m maintaining all my Finnish honesty very well.

Like “Okay, I’ll call you later” or “We should have lunch sometime this week.” I only mean it sometimes, and in any case I almost never follow through with it. I have reduced the amount of times I say it each week by about 80%, I think, but I want to be the kind of person who NEVER says things I don’t mean.

Well, after a few months in Finland (honesty is key), I felt like a total liar, despite inevitable adaptation … Now, after a week of my (American) family visiting, I feel incredibly honest and straightforward by comparison. But, I know I still occasionally say things I don’t mean, and I want it to stop altogether. I want total purity of expression. It’s the only moral thing.