Above thoughts by Rhiannon Miller, a 12 year old girl just months before her accidental death..

I Came across this piece online five days back and it has stuck with me since.. like a punch to gut…a stark realization….an ominous omen of things to come….Merely stating that I was deeply moved would be an understatement!!

Yes, this optimistic prose left a mark on me and I have been contemplating the realities of life these last few days… And then just yesterday another heartbreaking tragedy closer to home…

I was made aware that one of our neighbors down the street had lost his wife in a horrendous highway accident.. A loving mother of 3, she was returning home from work to be with her beloved family when she met her tragic end..Life is strange that way

Just got back from the funeral now.. It was jam packed there and the somber mood overwhelmed me. As it happened the two sons that she left behind were sitting in the next row over(They bawled their eyes out throught the session as I watched them stare into an empty abyss) I was barely able to keep my composure till the end and as things finished up there I reached out to the youngest son and whimpered “I am so so so sorry for your loss!!” as I shook his hand he leaned over and broke down on my shoulder.. “why her!! WHY????”...Life is strange that way

I returned home in a very unsettled state this evening and decided to step out for a long walk just to clear my head …... There was a dry howl in the air as the bone-shaking temperature chilled my inner soul….It started to snow and my cheeks were numb and my tears simply froze..My walk lasted a lot longer then expected on this night as I crossed onto paths less known, roads unfamiliar and territories undiscovered before…. I pondered our finite existence and struggled to find a just explanation for why “these” things happen..Life is strange that way

Indeed, Life is harsh and unforgiving … Life is cruel and unfair…an uncompromising tragedy ultimately…..

My eyes are raging red as I write this now…Yet why is it that after all that I have observed and witnessed recently, I can only scream “LIFE IS MAGNIFICENT!!!!!”

LIVE YOUR LIFE fully and do cherish your precious time. You don’t know how good you’ve got it till its all gone…...........

Do not loose HOPE under any circumstances and “WILL” you way onwards….....

(2/19/2009) marks six years since Rhiannon passed away….
See more about her>
http://www.rhiannonmiller.com/legacy.html

I know there are tragedies unfolding around the world everyday but something about this last week has shaken me to the very core (just the kick that I had been hoping/praying for..)

Life is strange that way

Good Night World!

too many people have given up hope.
which is one of the reasons why i think that people give them reason to.
i get told so often not to be so trusting or caring about people but the truth is that i just hope for the best in people, and i refuse to just give up on that.

I still feel hopeful. I feel lucky. I know that any world he existed in must be a world in which there is a capacity for the expression of immense beauty. I’m running through things…movies he said he liked, music he listened to, museums he wanted us to visit, people who meant the world to him. I want to see these things with renewed vigor. With new eyes.

I just put my arms around myself, as he did two nights ago. I wouldn’t have kicked him out of bed for snoring had I known. The last thing I said to him was that it was so good to see him. I tend not to be expressive in relationships, but I’m glad he knew what I felt. I have some comfort in that.

Visiting California has felt like falling into awaiting arms. Sitting on grassy knolls, walking down sun-filtered streets, dancing with friends in empty clubs, drinking my favorite spicy hot chocolate…this life feels sweet and gentle and peacefully unencumbered.

My dreams feel more like dreams and possibilities lately and less like tepid escape routes. I’ve felt good this week. Music clearer-colors more vivid-voices more friendly.

I am warm and calm and hopeful right now.

I’ve started to wonder why this goal seems more difficult than it ever used to be.

I suppose once you reach a certain age you’ve confronted more diverse situations, butted heads with more boundaries…and in the process, the actual consequences of your actions crystallize and become more apparent.

If anything, I’m learning that satisfying this goal is tightly bound to listening to my intuition. Sometimes I’ve chosen things based on what sounds interesting, or fearless, or impressive, rather than simply what feels right or what resonates with my core feelings and beliefs. Perhaps in effort to be who I’ve wanted to be, I’ve neglected who I am. I think taking a gentle approach (and certainly a less adversarial role with myself) will again soften the way I am able to come in contact with the world.

I don’t have any enemies, or people I really hate. No one has done anything to my family or me, thank God, that would allow me to feel hatred now. I used to hate some people that I worked with, my former bosses, people I was jealous of, this hatred grew and grew until it caused me physical and emotional harm. Now I can feel peace and love in the world and make it a beter place to live, to really make a difference in people’s lives. I will continue to see “Good in the World.” This goal is closed for now, it was well worth it.

I seem to have this fixation on doing—on being occupied, prepared, engaged in something—as if allowing myself to relax would somehow de-activate any purposeful motivation.

I would like to give myself permission to just be…to take things in.

I had an entirely pleasant afternoon in the park today, complete with a great cup of Haagen Dazs, and plenty of people and dog-watching. I felt myself smiling on the inside. (The sun not only melted my ice cream, but also part of this unspoken stress cloud that has been hovering over me as of late).

This one has been a little difficult as of late. To be honest, a lot of things have. I’m trying to allow myself to feel whatever I feel and have confidence that my inner cynic won’t drown out the fundamental hopefulness I have about the future. I’m sensing a new level of apprehension at leaving so many things behind and I’m eager to get to the point where I can experience my leaving as a form of arrival, simply in another guise.

At lunch this afternoon, while a friend and I were eating on a restaurant patio, a lady bug flew onto my hand and lingered there for quite awhile. Just his presence provided a little spark; perhaps he was the harbinger of good things to come.

I think allowing myself to have a wider support system would aid in the process of me achieving my goals and generally improving my mood. I’d like to ask more questions, engage in more dialogue, and ultimately learn how to better accept the support that is offered (both here and else where)- with grace instead of resistance.

While I am not as active in this community as I aim to be, I would like to express my gratitude for this place and the strength, kind words and warmth that are circulated here on a daily basis with such genuine sincerity (and abandon!). It really resonates with me and reminds me of the vast amount of goodness that is so readily accessible even (and perhaps especially) when things appear bleak.