Be uncompromisingly true to myself

I had a great date with a guy from ChristianMingle.com. We have a lot in common and we laugh a lot. I realized that I wasn’t quite sure how broken up with his last girlfriend he was. He had joined the dating website and asked me out, but then when I searched him on myspace, his myspace looked like he was in a relationship but hers didn’t. I called him out on that in an email and he put that he was “getting through the end of a relationship.” Then he changed the setting on his myspace. But other than that he’s talked like he was single. On our date he talked of her as if they were well broken up. But the wording of that e-mail of his stuck with me and I decided to be true to myself. I decided that I can’t be too careful and so even though it was challenging to be so forward and serious as to question him on it, I did. I wrote an e-mail with some specific questions. We have another date coming up and I want to make sure that I am not in any way part of something stupid. I hope that they officially broke up a couple months ago, like it seems, because I really liked him. But if their relationship is in the final stages NOW, then forget that!! Homey don’t play that!

I’m REALLY really proud of myself for going raw.

I’ve decided to move to somewhere near Seattle and pursue meditation, raw food, yoga, theater, and God. My heart told me to move back home after 5 years in Austin, back to see my nephew grow and to be there for my mom.

I am doing this by following though with some new lifestyle changes. I am going raw (food, and will be learning yoga, walking regularly, getting out more and being more into homeopathic type things and meditation.

I really did feel upset about a call I got this morning from someone I haven’t spoken to in 7 years.

Honestly, I think I have some very negative feelings about the late
teens- early 20s time in my life. There were a lot of really empty
times. With boyfriends and female friends alike, I put so much of
myself into being there for people who were severely depressed,
suicidal, had substance abuse problems, issues with physical/sexual
abuse, etc. Practically everyone I knew at that time fit the bill. I neglected myself in favor of people who could never appreciate me or reciprocate.

(Not to say that I’m angry with them in particular. I’m really not.
None of them were “bad people.”) I guess I’ve just changed so much
for the better that I resent being dragged back into that place and
the person I was at that time. This is the second contact I’ve gotten from someone in the past couple days saying their life was miserable and how I was so wonderful and how they messed up and on and on. I’ve moved on from that chapter and I’d like the respect of being left alone. I’m not sure why I’m being contacted, though I suppose it’s probably not for my sake. I’ve grown up a lot and I’m not hanging around to pick up the pieces for people who don’t care about their own lives.

I think I had a real fascination with people who were very troubled,
partly because in some way I felt I could relate to feeling pain.
(Maybe in some ways I still do have that fascination—-though now from far away). More than I realized then, almost the entirety of friends that I made between the ages of 18-23 were in an awful place. I hung out with a lot of people who felt that no one was there for them, and that they had nothing. I thought that I could do my part by being everyone’s lifeline. I feel a little foolish and more than a little used. There were a lot of periods of darkness and depression for me at that time too and I’m sorry I never believed then that I could live the kind of life I am living now (though clearly everything is still a work in progress).

All this is to say that you have nothing to worry about. There are no positive feelings, no feelings of longing for men in my past. Other than G (who was not a part of this), I will not welcome any contact with exes (or former friends from this time). They have no right or claim to me now.

I did this again this week when I was facing a challenge with a friend flaking out on my birthday party.

I asked several people for their advice, which is a trait of mine. I sought advice on the best way to understand my friend and after consulting three people, I found my answer.

I am annoyed and MAD and I will say whatever I want.

SARAH PALIN IS BAD FOR THIS COUNTRY.

She is BAD for WOMEN and a vote for her (and McCain) is a vote to REWIND everything women have accomplished here in the last century.

If you vote for her you might as well buy coat hangars for your daughters.

I’ve continued with this goal by not being in relationships or even casual sexuality when I know that the guy isn’t the one for me. I don’t really understand why, but I have a pretty strong aversion to getting involved with someone that I know I won’t be with indefinately. It’s like- why invest when the ending is just going to be hurting someone?

So I’ve passed up many relationship opportunities to stay true to my conviction.

I got a puppy and a kitten who both represent self-actualization to me. In the past, whenever I visualized myself as successful, a puppy and kitten were part of the story. And even though they weren’t planned financially, I was following my heart when I got each of them.

I am really facing my issues with my weight, self-esteem, habits by going deep into the psychology of it. That is being true to myself because all my life I have wanted to be in shape.

I have been true to myself by decorating my apartment with furvor. It looks, smells, and feels like me, and even though it was an unusual amount of work for a college students rented apartment and even though I may have to paint it all back white when I move out, it is very very true to me.

to solicitors. Especially when I’m home alone.
And I refuse to answer the door if I’m eating dinner!

I love to come home from work, get a nice drinkie, and sit in my comfy chair and play on the computer.
Lazy, lazy, lazy! Yippeeeee!