a million miles away….........seriously…........ 7 years ago

from feeling like my life was a train wreck…......to now….....something I can…...for the most part….....deal with….and watch progress toward the dissolving…......of my marraige…...and the beginning of what’s next 7 years ago

This picture isn’t true…........The progress has been great….......but who knows?????? 7 years ago

mind has so much to do with this…............Yesterday…....for awhile…........I was buried…........but…..it’s so much easier to reason with myself now…..things are much better…..there are things to look forward to…......Maybe ….soon…...I can take this to the completed side 7 years ago

Keeping myself occupied….......pleasantly diverted…........my attention riveted…........E mail count…........900…......plus 7 years ago

For a long time….........a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOng time I felt like crap….......or shit…........I felt like the song “Child in Time” by Deep Purple…................

Sweet child in time you’ll see the line
The line that’s drawn between the good and the bad
See the blind man shooting at the world
Bullets flying taking toll
If you’ve been bad, Lord I bet you have
And you’ve been hit by flying lead
You’d better close your eyes and bow your head
And wait for the ricochet

MASSIVE GUITAR SOLO

REpeat….........................

And then…..........I started to see a glimmer of light around the edges…........yea, that’s it…...........This song
“It’s been a While” by Staind

And it’s been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high
And it’s been awhile
Since I first saw you
And it’s been awhile
Since I could stand on my own two feet again
And it’s been awhile
Since I could call you

And everything I can’t remember
As fucked up as it all may seem
The consequences that I’ve rendered
I’ve stretched myself beyond my means

And it’s been awhile
Since I can say that I wasn’t addicted
And it’s been awhile
Since I can say I love myself as well
And it’s been awhile
Since I’ve gone and fucked things up just like I always do
And it’s been awhile
But all that shit seems to disappear when I’m with you

And everything I can’t remember
As fucked up as it all may seem
The consequences that I’ve rendered
I’ve gone and fucked things up again

Why must I feel this way?
Just make this go away
Just one more peaceful day!

And it’s been awhile
Since I could look at myself straight
And it’s been awhile
Since I said I’m sorry
And it’s been awhile
Since I’ve seen the way the candles light your face
And it’s been awhile
But I can still remember just the way you taste

And everything I can’t remember
As fucked up as it all may seem to be I know it’s me
I cannot blame this on my father
He did the best he could for me

And it’s been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high
And it’s been awhile
Since I said I’m sorry

Yeah righty right then…...........now…..........for the last
6 days…..........HOORAH…......I fell fucking great….....no worries…........WTF???????..........It’s awesome….....I hope I’m not dreaming

“So Far Away”................Staind

“So Far Away” by Staind

this is my life
its not what it was before
all these feelings i’ve shared
and these are my dreams
that i’d never lived before
somebody shake me
‘cause i
i must be sleeping

[chorus]
now that we’re here,
it’s so far away
all the struggle we thought was in vain
all the mistakes,
one life contained
they all finally start to go away
now that we’re here its so far away
and i feel like i can face the day i can forgive
and i’m not ashamed to be the person that i am today

these are my words
that i’ve never said before
i think i’m doing okay
and this is the smile
that i’ve never shown before

somebody shake me ‘cause i
i must be sleeping

[chorus]

i’m so afraid of waking
please don’t shake me
afraid of waking
please don’t shake me

[chorus]
I’ll tell you a secret…..........if it could be bottled and sold….........I’d be rich….............I hope this never ends 7 years ago

What happened?????

Most of the last 3 weeks…..........I was hurting, dying, seriously depressed, buried in an avalanche of personal problems and worry…............ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh…............and then a small thing…....large really…........lifted a corner of the black shroud that was smothering me….............on October 19th…..........and good things continued…....a…....little more light….......a little more….......until I exploded out of the BLACKNESS on October 25…............hopefully, .................never to return

God, please don’t ever let me feel like that again 7 years ago