just "be" sometimes, instead of always trying to get everything done

I’m still working on this one. I’ve been getting better, at times. But having a miscarriage recently made me really stop and reconsider what is important in my life. I just want to spend time with my children that will impact them all their lives. I want our family life to be rich in joy and full of meaning.

I find that it is small moments that make the difference, not big ones. It’s all about what I decide to put into each moment that we experience. If I’m fully present and emotionally available, the moments are true and full.

This also relates to trying to please other people. When I’m too concerned about what others think, I’m not living my fullest life.

I’ve been so busy all the time trying to get everything done, and trying to meet some standard that I’m not so sure really needs to be met. I’m a stay at home mom of 2 toddlers, and I should be enjoying the time I have with them. Instead I am constantly piling up work for myself, and getting angry at them when they slow me down. What’s is wrong with this picture?

Lately I find myself just saying “no” to everything. Even to cooking, cleaning, spending time with the kids. I can’t take it anymore, and it’s like I just have to shut down. But this is not what I want my life to be.

So this week I have decided that I get only 1 thing done per day. After that anything done is a bonus. I haven’t really been earning any bonuses, but I don’t care. I’m beginning to see magic again in spending silly, non-productive time with my children. I don’t want to let others intrude on this life. My kids are only small for a little while. And I should set the pace of my own life. I don’t have to accept the hurried pace of the world. We create our own reality, and I am choosing to recreate mine.