redashton is taking life one step at a time.
i wanted to but apparently my (now ex) was not too keen on it. we’ve been together for four fucking years, only to have her throw a curve at me and told us we were over last december. what a way to end the year, with a fucking bang. it’s true that long distance relationships are hard but it’s not like she was the only one suffering from it. she said that she could not take any more of the non-relationship that we were in. so the past four years had been a ‘non-relationship’ in her head. fucking brilliant! she goes on to say that she didn’t want to hurt me and she’s hurt as well. all i heard in my head was excuses and more excuses. she’s tired of trying to make us work out. so basically she gave up on us, while i’d been trying my damn hardest to get us together. it was so tough to try to build something together, only to have your partner sabotage it for you. at one point she says yes, and then she changes her mind faster than a speeding bullet and says no. it is frustrating to be with someone who doesn’t really know what they want in life but only thing they know is that they don’t want you. gosh, i’ve never been so heart broken before. i could write a long entry on how this whole ordeal has made my life a complete mess but that would be boring. all i can say is that for the time being i’m still very much hurt but over the fact that she’s gone. a part of me now realises that our road would be even tougher ahead because i’ve always known what i want and she doesn’t, so we’d be butting heads along the way. even if we ever get together again, i’ve lost faith in someone who has a history of pulling out when the going gets tough. so i should say thank you to her for curing me of my ridiculous obsession with love. maybe love is not everything. maybe love cannot be held on to.maybe it’s not worth the trouble.
then again, above all things in the world i believe in love. it is the most wonderful thing in the world. it’s a shame that she doesn’t believe in it for love cannot live in someone that doesn’t believe in it. maybe the next time i fall in love, i’d sent her a note. as her so called cure was not strong enough to resist love. just maybe…we shall see.
