live with my husband

Hi,
I NEED SOME HELP HERE,I FEEL LIKE GOING CRAZY, FOR GOOD THREE YEARS NOW,I HAVE BEEN MARRIED BUT I HAVE NEVER MEET MY HUSBAND OR KNOW WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE.HE LIVES IN EUROPE AND I HAVE TRIED ALL POSSIBLE MEANS TO GO JOIN HIM BUT I KEEP GETTING REFUSAL OF ENTRY.PLEASE I NEED SOMEONE OUT THERE TO HELP ME OUT OF THIS. I LOVE MY HUSBAND SO MUCH.OPRAH PLEASE I NEED YOUR HELP.
THANK YOU SO MUCH, AND GOD BLESS YOU AMEN.

We sold my house today. I’m still living in it. The house we were buying fell through because of the vendor’s illness but we’re buying another and that won’t complete for another month, so we’re renting this back. I feel sick inside, I can’t bear the thought of someone else living in my home, sleeping in my bedroom, cooking in my kitchen. I feel so conflicted.

The removals van arrives tomorrow to take all the non-essential furniture and packed boxes into storage. I’m going to be living in a bare house for the next weeks. We still haven’t had our vendors agree to a completion date, though our buyer has no been ready to move for nearly a week. They keep leaving messages with the estate agents saying they won’t hold up the move but so far their solicitor hasn’t confirmed a date. We want to move in a fortnight but with each day that passes it looks less and less possible.

Our buyer was ready to complete today. We could have been moving today. Sadly the chap whose house we’re buying had a stroke last week, which has upset the applecart a bit (poor fella). They hadn’t chosen a house to buy when it happened, not since they lost their favourite through gazumping.

We’ve asked our solicitor to suggest a date 13th March but have since found out that they’re having a second look at a house tomorrow and may make an offer. If that happens there’s little chance that they’ll be willing to move twice and we’ll no doubt be delayed for a week or two beyond the 13th. It’s super stressful, we’re battered by it and arguing awfully. We want to be together but the stress of the act of moving to be together is piercing. The children are distressed, even though they eldest two are 20 and 17 they’re both angry that I’m going, though they wouldn’t say so directly they just act it out in behaviour towards me. I want them to come but both are making lives here and it’s not for me to force my choices on them. I’ve been an utterly committed mother their entire lives, with many years as a single mum, working 80 hour weeks to make ends meet at one time, I have done everything i can to get them ready for the world. I think they’ll be fine. In the meantime they can live with their dad, who is a great dad and has not had them to live with him since they were 7 and 4, it will do them all good.

Meanwhile, my youngest is now heading towards the age of 4 and still hasn’t lived with her father. How did I get my balance so wrong?

Oh i’m too tired to consider it. If I don’t move on 13 March I’ll head down to london for a course in Neuro Linguistic Programming. It will be an interesting distraction.

We spent all weekend packing boxes and clearing out lofts. It was a weird day but it makes me feel like i’m actually moving forward.

Today I was told I was a good mum, but I don’t feel I am. Leaving two boys behind to move away with my husband seems so out of balance. I want them to come but at 20 and 17 they have lives of their own and don’t want to leave them.

There’s no happy answer, but I miss my husband and need to be with him. My sons are going to be with their father and our webcam will get used a lot.

my husband booked a job for this evening instead of driving home to see me and kiss me and show me he loves me.

He’s upset with me because I’m disappointed. He thinks i should put business before our marriage.

I think he should go and screw an accountant and see if it’s satisfying.

Our full mortgage offer is through. Another huge hurdle. We had a slight panic today when the surveyor for the buyer cancelled his appointment with no explanation. I couldn’t get hold of hubby and couldn’t get hold of the buyer. Argghh. I thought he’d changed his mind and was backing out.

He’s already had a survey early on, to make sure it was right for his portfolio. This survey is in preparation for AFTER we’ve sold it to him, when he’ll remortgage for rental – he just wants the survey done to have all the paperwork in place for an immediate arrangement following completion. Unlike mortgaged buyers he doesnt have to wait to receive a good offer on the mortgage – I believe he’ll start work on the property, dividing it into apartments – some time in April. After our failed sales and withdrawn offers I just thought this was about to turn ‘tits up’ – thankfully I was wrong. He answered his phone to my husband immediately (after hubby picked up his messages). He wanted the first surveyor to come back again not a new surveyor as his secretary had organised. Phew.

No more nasties like that please.

So ticked boxes for the new house are:

Purchase price negotiated and agreed
Searches for the new house done
Mortgage completely in place for new house
solicitor instructed for sale and purchase
estate agent has withdrawn the house from open market (yay)
Vendors have made a successful offer on a house with no chain (yay)
Our solicitor holds all the enquiry forms and particulars that I’ve completed ready to pass to the buyer.

ticked boxes for sale of our house:

sale price negotiated and agreed
survey complete and satisfactory
he doesn’t need a mortgage to buy
solicitor instructed and details sent to our solicitors

Nothing more can be drawn from this progress now until an exchange and completion date is tabled. I’m going to plump for a same day exchange and completion to stop anyone having to pay a deposit. We were hoping to complete by the end for February but we are now at the mercy of our vendor’s solicitor and how fast they can work through their processes.

I want to do more packing but I feel I should wait until I get the date for moving agreed, trouble is, once that happens I have sooooo much to do. Finding new schools, informiing all the services and councils and insurance and blah blah blah. Oh I could go grey.

Nothing substantial has moved forward. everyone has everyone else’s details, solcitor’s details etc. The estate agents have seen our ID and our mortgage offer ‘in principle’. Now we just have to keep our fingers crossed that the offer comes through in full. We had a proper full offer on the last house we tried to buy in December so we’d like to think there won’t be a problem this time. Our finances are stable and nothing has changed since that application except for the house. This house is a younger house an a better punt for the lender but still… there is always a concern, particularly in this current ‘now you have an egg card, now you don’t’ financial atmosphere. The rug could very well get pulled under our once upright feet. Let’s hope not.

Our buyer’s surveyor is coming back this week. He had a survey to make sure it was what he wanted. Now he’ll get another survey in preparation for a mortgage application that he’ll make after we complete. He seems right. I don’t have nagging worries about him. Perhaps that’s naive of me considering we’ve been let down so badly so many times. Don’t misunderstand, I know that there are many reasons why this could go wrong but I don’t feel he’s going to be one of them.

The owners of the house we’re buying have had a successful bid on a house near their children so they’re ready to rock n roll – so that’s great. They’ve packed up loads since we last saw them, they’ve put me to shame.

We took my eldest daughter to see the house today. It was quite traumatic. She kicked up a stink before we even arrived and despite pep talks burst into tears right outside the house. I initially handled it badly but got my act together when I realised that it was more than just a tantrum. I promised her that if she didn’t like it we wouldn’t buy it. I told her that if she really didn’t want to move she could live with her Dad and come home for weekends. I reassured her the best I could that we’d do whatever she wanted in order to make her happy apart from one thing – we can’t stay as we are.

Next weekend is my youngest son’s turn. It was good to see the house again today it clarified what needed doing and what didn’t. It helped us formulate a plan for decorating. I’d prefer to live in it for a while first but the rooms we want to live in desperately need decorating. The second sitting room has been a sick man’s downstairs bedroom for years and is in a bad state of decor although the room fabric seems sound. We found some amazing digital wallpaper today and think it will go great with the danish 70s corner sofa that we’re hoping to buy from our cousins. Our mums will hate it but I’m so happy that I can plan for colour again after living in a showhome of magnolia for 4 years.

We’re waiting for our new mortgage offer to come through the post. We had an offer for the previous house we were trying to buy but they cancelled that to create an offer for this new house. Stupidly they also cancelled all the information they held about us, the fact that they’d seen all our documents etc was completely wiped off their database. Now, awkwardly, they’ll be asking me for my passport or drivers license. Over the new year my son invited friends round and some nice chaps stole some things from my house. The most important thing is a document case containing all our passports and some very important paperwork. We’re going through packed boxes in the hope that I’m mistaken but otherwise we have to contact the police. We’ve had some stuff returned to us which they took ‘for a laugh, sorry’ hmm, very funny.

My driving license would be fine but I have my test next week. I haven’t told my hubby about the predicament. This may not seem a massive problem but we were hoping for a quick transaction. Now that they won’t be able to see my driving license until after next thursday I am basically delaying the move by a week. Ouch. I wish I knew where the passports were.

Once they’ve sent us the mortgage offer we must send them all our paperwork – again. Once they’ve seen that we should get the full offer, not just in principle. That also depends on a satisfactory survey. The searches are all done, thanks to the new HIP and the guy buying our house only has to wait for his searches. His surveyor has already done his job.

We move people every day in our business and never really give a thought to how stressed they must have been up till that point. Fortunately for them, we’re really good at moving people, so at least their moving day isn’t as stressful as the rest of it.

Our buyer visited us today, he loves the house, considers the deal to be done and is not waiting for a mortgage to buy it, he has the cash. We’ve reached a deal on the house we wanted, which is brilliant, and just have to contact our lenders tomorrow to make the arrangements to change the mortgage offer. Unless they find a huge crack down the middle of it that we couldn’t see I think it will be fine, after all they gave us a good offer of a mortgage that lasts for six months.

I’m so excited it’s hard to keep my feet on the ground but I must because we’ve had deals fall flat before. Ooooooooh. No. Calm down missus. Yikes.