be more confident to be me

This goal has been difficult lately, with respect to confidently taking action.

In two separate situations, I believed I needed to make a decision about how to handle a situation – one, to deal with a pair of uncomfortable new shoes; the other, how to send a form to a housing agency. Both times, my mind strings fences before my inner eye, either contradicting any tentative choice, or making me feel that no action, or inaction, would be suitable. Finally, I broke through the stasis and acted in each instance, with doubts afterward. I think I need to internalize the maxim that says: “act as if it were impossible to fail and it shall be.”

Interestingly, taking action to write this post feels OK :) I’ve posted many times.

For a long time I was troubled with singing/playing guitar in my room, by concerns that I might be bothering my neighbors with such things as going over a song over and over to learn or craft it properly, or singing full out. Now I see, that these thoughts were the problem. Now, I discover that wholeheartedly doing those things are where my confidence lies and would likely be making others around me happier than playing in a half-hearted, fearful way just to not bother anyone.

Today, as I prepared for a performance, I had one of my neighbors (the only one who ever said anything negative to me about playing in my room) in my head cheering me on only as I played strong and full and confidently. The missing piece was being confident to be me! For a long time I had been cowed by my own fears. There’s a quote by Bill Cosby that goes, “I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.” If I’m going to successfully play in my room, I’m going to have to play in-Spirit.

It’s recently occurred to me that singing and playing guitar puts me in my confident space.

About a year ago I stopped my performing and playing on my own as a solo guitarist/singer, but now I realize that I may need it to be more confident. It’s among the things I do best! How could I give up on it? (Well, back then I wasn’t happy with what I what I was doing and couldn’t find a way out of that funk.) I’ve taken some space away from it and now I feel refreshed with it.

Tired of the fits of self-doubt, when I could just as well have faith in who I am and what I am doing. I am a one of a kind being (as are we all) walking my own path and finding my own way. Why worry if I’m getting it right? Every step I take is the right one for me. Doubt is unbefitting of a being of God. With the powers of Creation behind me, what have I got to fear…

to laugh heartily like i once could, to dress as i would feel like.to live life just the way i want to….to find the real me..the me i know is somewhere inside.