grow old

Just had a baby. One of the many things on my list. Creating life. In the process I learned that life is precious. My baby was born 9 weeks early. Three weeks into her little life I almost died from a drowing heart. Now my heart is fine, but it’s not full. My baby is my life but I have so much more life to live before dying. The top of my list Live before dying!

just wanna live

I happen to like not dying. I know it sounds crazy, but…

At least this is a goal I think I can handle (God willing). I want to see my son graduate from high school in two years. that would make me 38 when he graduates. I look forward to becoming a grandma and retiring from work…that would make me older. Hmmmm….finally a goal I know I will succeed at.

The perfect future for me would be sitting on a porch looking at open country side while sitting in a rocking chair. My dog would be at my feet and the screen door would be lightly “breathing”. I want to see the wind rustle through the wheat field as a combine gathers it up. The dirt road is to be bare and my feet are touching the porch which is lightly sprinkled with sand. I want to hear the creaking of the chair and the scuffle of my feet touching the floor as I rock myself. I want to adjust my glasses and wipe them on my dress. My hair will be silver, my face full of life and my hands fragile. At this moment in time there is nothing more exciting than the soft sound of chymes. This is serenity

i just want to watch my children succeed in life and have their own families.