expand my comfort zone

Instead of ‘when I’m alone, at home, where no one can see me’ it’s indeed grown a lot.
I am now comfortable at school, whenever I’m with my friends (not yet when it comes to singing, but I’ll have to overcome that this Saturday) or with people I know are alright, in my room, where ever when I’m minding my own business.
:D
Another goal, that will be a follow-up for this one, is to have no secrets and nothing to be ashamed of.

No entries for the previous four months doesn’t mean this hasn’t happened. Without realising it, I’ve expanded my zone further than I would have dreamt when I adopted this goal. It’s an ongoing project, but now’s time to mark it “done”.

I adopted this goal five weeks ago. Four weeks ago I took a big leap of faith and posted my nude pictures on Flickr. As I noted at the time, exposing myself to the world was a challenge, but one I achieved without causing myself undue stress.

The next logical step is to show myself in my unguarded moments, those times when I’m not posing for the camera. With this in mind, I filmed myself in the shower. The resulting fourteen minute movie is playing while I type this entry. It’s oddly voyeuristic to watch, seeing myself from a different point of view. Voyeuristic and somewhat uncomfortable. I see details I’ve not seen before, little things to make me smile, giggle or determine to improve myself. I smile at the realisation I do have a pretty good butt. I giggle at the way my penis swings from side to side as I dry my back. When I see my belly, I know it has to go.

Of the steps I’ve taken to expand my comfort zone, making and viewing this movie has been the most uncomfortable. On the one hand, I know I’m no different from millions of other people; I have good points as well as bad. On the other hand, my self-esteem issues lead me to believe my faults and bad habits greatly outweigh my positive traits.

Ah well, I know I’m still progressing. My zone is expanding, albeit it at the slower pace. I’ll step on the gas, see if I can’t get back up to speed.

It’s getting larger all the time. Recollecting conversations I’ve had with 43Ters in the last week, by email, IM, SMS and phone, I’m amazed I’ve come so far, so fast.

I won’t share the details of our chats, suffice to say I’ve revealed facts about myself, my life and my attitudes I never envisaged leaving the confines of my head. And the best part? Everybody I’ve bared these small parts of my soul to has kept in touch, not one has run away screaming. Being accepted for who I am, warts and all, is an uncommon feeling for me and it’s marvellous.

Once I’ve divulged my few remaining foibles online, I’ll start on the bigger task – throwing myself out into the 3D world with gusto, hoping to receive the same reception. I don’t sense I’m running out of control, but if I crash and burn, it’ll be quite a spectacle.

After a spell of soul-searching, I followed the suggestion given in the very first comment added to my previous entry, and uploaded a clean and tasteful nude picture of myself to Flickr. Sure, I’ve been to a nude beach a few times, so nudity isn’t that big a deal for me in the right situation. Taking a photo of myself and essentially inviting the world to take a look was more of a challenge, but I did it and was well pleased with the comments I received from fellow 43Ters, particularly after I posed the Art or porn? question.

Next stage will be to reveal my face. Yikes. Then I’ll have absolutely nothing left to hide.

This morning, it dawned on me I’m already doing this, so I added it as a goal to constantly remind myself of the benefits of stepping outside my safe little world, letting the real me escape every once in a while, generally being more honest and open with myself and others.

A few months back, I wouldn’t have dreamed of posting my picture on here, let alone writing about my habit of being naked around the house. In the last week, I’ve done both, and felt entirely comfortable with it.

I’m in two minds about what to do next. Do I replace my avatar picture with a photo of myself, or do I remove my smiley face from last Wednesday’s photo so I really have nothing to hide?

One might get me banned from 43T, the other scares me more. Once I reveal my face, I’m identifiable and there’s an extremely slim chance someone from my home town will recognise me. Why does that worry me so much? I really don’t know.

Three step programme:

1. Know where the limits of my zone lie.

2. Understand why they exist.

3. Pummel, Pound, Stretch,... Annihilate!

step out of my comfort zone.

Taking a cue from Malc’s poem,i have started looking at my goals from a new perspective:which of my goals are within my comfort zone and which ones are outside it.The latter require more attention.

i continually try to explore outside my comfort zone. by doing this, my comfort zone expands. face my fears, challenge myself. it’s how you grow as a person. there’s always room for growth.

sometimes it’s nice to spend time within the zone. but not too much or you get complacent. it’s all about the exploration.