leave

One-way flight booked.

Wishing I was some place else, many miles away.

I want to be under foreign skies. I want to stay indoors in a place where it rains all day. Or be outdoors lying flat on a mat in a big green park and let the world pass me by. Anywhere but here.

Everything that is familiar reminds me of my life that has become weary and safe. I should be grateful, and indeed I am . But I also wonder if I’m being too careful most days.

I forgot what it’s like to have blood rush to my head. Or to smell unfamiliar scents amidst winding cobbled paths in a place forgotten by time. To see colours and shapes never before seen by these eyes.

I want to go where my destiny takes me, and I have a feeling it’s not here.

There’s a new condo which is nearing completion. It’s very near my office and smack in the center of Subang. I like the look and from what I gather, the price is reasonable. Stuff of dreams indeed.

..my family drives me completely and absolutely nuts. We have a funny way of showing affection, by making jokes that can at times, get too personal. That’s what happens when we’re too tough to say, I love you.

..when nowhere feels like home..

I have every intention of moving into the city within the next year or so. The only thing keeping me back is school. I’d be an idiot to leave education while someone else is paying for it. But life’s become such a drag here.
Boston’s about an hour away. I go there at least once a month – either because there’s no good shows around here or just ‘cause I love that city. It’s like here, except there’s more.
So I wouldn’t feel too out of place.

Then again – it’s really expensive to live there.
Maybe just outside of Boston.
Either way, getting out of New Hampshire is on my to-do list.

I am starting to pack right now- YEEEEEAH!

I am 14 years old i am tired of my life…me and a friend are ready to run away as soon as posible…i live with my grandparents they dont like me all they do is yell at me and teat me like a peice of trash…my mom never wants me with her all she cares about is her boyfriend she dont understand or care how i am treated…my dad died when i was in 4th grade…i have been saving up for a while right now i have 600 dollars i know thats not alot but from now on i am going to have to steal money…i am street smart i now that there are bad thing out there..i just dont know were to go i need advice….

this is crazy, can’t believe I wrote this last entry only a week ago. I decided that what I was doing with my life wasn’t right: though my mind thinks it’s right. My heart doesn’t. so i am in fact picking up and leaving. Feels cool, I’ve never done anything spontaneous before. I’ll miss home.

just want to go…to find a place of peace, maybe a buddhist temple in thailand, maybe a mountain in colorado. i dunno, i can live pretty simply, and you can stretch money a long way like that. I just don’t have a home spiritually, gotta find one. want to leave.