move away from here

I would be leaving for college in 3 months…but i failed getting my diploma by one class (AP Class too – and with a 84% test average)

SO ill be in town for another damn year

Gah

Six months or so left to go, then I’m off to university, as far away as I can get. Can’t wait…

Nearly knocked this one off my list at long last, but foiled again by a last minute change of plans. Perhaps I wasn’t ready just yet anyway…

For me this goal means moving to somewhere I don’t know and to where nobody knows me.

I don’t feel like there’s anything left here for us in Toronto. I don’t mind visiting the city, but I don’t want to live in it. People are stuck up and narrow-minded (although I acknowledge there are idiots everywhere). It’s too loud, dirty, heartless.

I am a rural person. I like the country. I want to raise my daughter somewhere with fresh air, and less of the pretentiousness and lazy convenience of the city. I want nature every day, to go for more walks, to have beautiful things to paint. Really, I hate the city. I would like to take her up north or to another country altogether. Things just don’t feel right here.

I can’t believe that this thing which I’ve been striving for for so long has finally arrived. This is quite a sense of accomplishment!

Alright, [insert big sigh] the big move to Pennsylvania is exactly two weeks from today! I’m starting to get a little sad about moving so far from my family, but I’m not the least bit nervous, stressed, or worried about it, which I find amazing. My room’s stacked floor-to-ceiling with packed boxes, and somehow there’s still so much left to box up. The whole process seems ethereal, almost surreal, and I have to keep reminding myself that it’s really happening!

I’m excited – so, so, so, so, so, sosososo excited!

I’m now making plans to move to Pittsburgh where my boyfriend lives! It’s amazing. There’s so much work yet to be done before the move can occur, but the fact that plans are now underway is terrifically exciting for me.

Most likely, I’ll be moving the first week of March. For now, I have to keep making money, keep saving my money, work on transferring schools and jobs, and finally pack!

Yay, I don’t live there anymore, I’m 4,000 miles away. And it’s awesome. Even when I’m sad here, i just think about how awesome it is that i survived that hell i used to live in, that I escaped. And there was honestly aa point when i didn’t think Id ever survive long enough to get out, but hell, I made it. My main goal for as long as i could remember was to move away from Wise, and hell life goal accomplished.
I have yet to make any super great friends here, or solve all my internal problems, but the direct attackage is much, much less, practically minimal. No one hits me,and I get three meals a day. And that is awesome, awesomely beyond awesoome. No one can tell me what to do,a nd although people sometimes make me feel stupid, It’s no ones mission to hurt me here; No one takes out their anger on me, no one tells me Im worthless (even though I just might be, but that’s not relevant.), and people only make me feel stupid when I am stupid/because I am. No one completely uttertly hates me, even though only a few people seem to actually like me.
But then gain, there’s the whole connotation of the I ran away to Alaska, and maybe in time I’ll regret it, but as of now I don’t. Anyways, not everything is resolved, but it’s better. I don’t hurt every single day, but I still hurt. And random shit doesn’t fall on my foot so I can’t walk for a week.
And they’re not here, and I hope I never see them again, which has complications, but hey for the most part, it’s over. Im free. They can’t hurt me anymore, well maybe a little, but its like stabbing someone with a plastic butter knife instead of a huge, serrated machete.

Although in a way, its weird, I was so focused on something for so long, and now that I have it, (and I am enjoying it) i seems weird to not have an all consuming goal, to be a little bit directionless. But that’s much better than being hurt.

One more week till I leave here for college; now i juet have to make sure that i never have to come back.

in nor cal. now home is so cal… but i=now i’m hee. so its always impossible to move away from here, cause wherever you move to becomes here.