Better myself

im trying to get better at typing!!!

You ever feel like when your calm that you start to realized that other people start to show off? “like yeah” whoop whoop Your s0o cool. You know what. Fuck em! Do we really need the newest fab to be all super ego? “I Mean by next season it’ll be on the shelf of the department store.30% off “you dig?” Im just saying people shouldn’t live life like that. I mean there’s people out there in the world pumpin dirt water out of a dirt well just to get a drink. “everyday”
So lets appreciate what we got here. Weather it’s going out to feel good or looking out for the no goods. “mE” Its whatever I’m just going to be humble cause there’s always going to be someone that’s even better than you. That’s in everything you do. Really though… All you need is love!

Today I realized that the only reason why me and my baby momma broke up was due to our selfishness. I would come home and drink, while she’s at home talking to her friends. I guess there’s always an escape from everything. My son was always fine when we were together. He doesn’t know whats going on. Hes only about 15 months. Its gonna suck when realized. (I’m sorry s0n)
What I am trying to say is that just think and realized what we are doing to our selves. Then everyone around us. I fucked up t0o myself(being selfish) I tried to fuck with her friends. It was my revenge. (well I guess) But it backed fired. (guess hoes don’t fuck home girls over) But every week I begged for her back.
Now its been a month. She knows the truth. S0o what can a man do but admit it. “S0o and what we not together” TRUE! but she said it hurts for the fact I was messing around. s0o even til this day if she was to get back with me, she will still have a thought in the back of her mind I was unfaithful. I’m sorry
Now I AM JUST Focused on my son. He’s the only one I worry about the most. I didn’t mean to do you like this but its a reality check. Just don’t get involved in a relationship you know its not going to work. No matter how hard you tried. I have been in one for 4 years. When I realized the truth how to change it was laTE..
s0O NOW my goals are quit smoking ,stop drinking and I will better myself because I am not dealing wit this past any more. I’ll always be one step ahead rather than one lifetime behind. Buddha said that “we are bless to reincarnated” as humans s0o I”m blessed I get a chance to better myself… Besides the fact? I found a place where I can finally be me. THANKYOU! Peace!

I feel that I have a list of things I need to accomplish for my health and well-being before I can begin to think about accomplishing anything else. I have so many things I’d like to do, places I’d like to go, people I’d like to meet, but before I do any of that, I need to better myself.

I started with improving my hair care. I’m very particular about the condition of my hair; I now have an entire regiment I abide by when showering to get maximum shine and strength for maintaining healthy hair.

Sure, this could be perceived as obsessive, even compulsive.

But I don’t feel particularly satisfied with myself if I don’t abide by some sort of self-bettering mindset.

Now that I’ve figured out and stuck to a hair improvement regiment, the next is teeth, I suppose. Only because my dentist said I had to floss more.

The major part of bettering myself is sticking to a healthier diet and losing about forty pounds.

I feel that because I’m fairly shallow, I can understand how others think; I know how others view those who are unkempt, who look as if they’ve let themselves go, so I just don’t think I can meet someone unless I look the best that I possibly can.

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I want to learn to like myself. That is something that I never learned to do. I have low self esteem and would like to change the way I feel about my self. I’m not the most beautiful person but I will say I’m not ugly. I just have about fifty pounds of fat on me that is making me miserable.

I think I have lived all my life to make everyone else happy.Doing this I have become a bitter,negative,gossipy,judgemental person. I am always putting on a happy face for everyone. Letting people think I can do it all and get mad when noone offers help. I allow people to use me which gives me the impression that they really do appreciate me. I think I sabatoge any possible real friendship with anyone.I always try to be “perfect” and I hate myself for it. I look at people in my life and look for everything they do wrong so i can secretly tell myself I can be proud that “I” am not like that or “I” wouldn’t do such a thing. The more I tell myself that the more I hate myself for it. I want to be better for myself. I hope that if I put myself first and really did it I would get myself out of this bottomless hole of patheticness(real word?). I dwell on not allowing myself to enjoy being young and not experiance life as most young people do and going to college and doing something to be proud of. I feel like I need to compete all the time,but I never finish because I’m afraid of the outcome. Apart of me doesn’t want to post this for the sole reason that someone else could read and know how I really feel and that’s scary to me. I know I need to(post) to start to “better myself”.

Everyone always has things about themselves, being it physical or character flaws, that they are not happy about. I think it’s very easy to say you want to do something and then not follow through.

I want to make even more effort to follow through so I will update as I try (or fail) to do so…

Oh yea…and I also being painting for the first time!

So I got a job today! I also being learning French! My summer class is going GREAT! I think I am getting better everyday…I think I am pretty much done with this goal….