stop wanting what i cant have

The first step is convincing myself that I don’t want him anymore. It’s the “I can’t have him even if I want him” part that gets to me. I’m so freakin’ stubborn. Why can’t I just put the damn phone down? Why can’t I just take no for an answer? Why do I make so much progress in two weeks to have it all messed up in one night? Damn him.

i should add…”stop taking what i dont want”

I feel ur pain

I may as well just fucking give this up because its almost as if I never had any intentions of ever, ever EVER in my mind, giving…Him…up. I never even once thought about it. Sure, I may need the reminder in general from time to time…but really, I know who and what this is about, and I’ve failed, completely. I dont want to stop wanting him. Its been a year or more now. And I’ve never done anything inappropriate, not one bit…but maybe I wish I could.

I guess this ties in with one of my other goals.. but it’s such a big one, I think it needs two.