dance

that dance is the new freakin hit and ima learn it by tomorrow

I want to take dance lessons for a number of reasons:

1) It is one of the few times that I feel beautiful…the body is perfect and amazing in motion.

2) I need to get in shape.

3) I dance around my house everyday

4) So You Think You Can Dance is amazing and Sabra started dancing only a couple years before she was on the show! I can do it too!

not that i dont wanna and i love doing it… i just have to put it on hold for now. i got more important things to concentrate on and i’m fine with it. i’m happy and with someone and i gotta find me a new job soon. so wish me luck…

yeh i lov 2 dance..!!!!!

Many thanks to Jane for being a catalyst.
(this entry might get a little long)

There might be nothing i love more in the world than dancing. The majority of my social life (over many years) was centered around this. I was a regular club-goer (as some may realize) since i was 17. I fused so entirely with music, that this passion led to dj’ing which i also did for many years.

Unfortunately, both activities ground down to a halt a few years ago. The man i fell in love with and married despised clubs. He didn’t like men watching me dance and (for reasons of his own hang-ups) felt skeavey himself, watching me. He also largely didn’t like the music, the people, the whole environment. And so, after a few miserable experiences, i stopped.
This is not to blame him. I should have never sacrificed my passion. I should have paid attention to this massive flag waving in front of me—no, beating me on the head.
In any case, amid other troubles of recent times, we have agreed to go our separate ways. This has been unwinding for several months.

Last night.
He was headed out to a birthday party far away. I suppose i should note that he is in a band and often is off performing at shows in the tri-state area (yes, i am aware of the irony). I, on the other hand, have been having an extremely difficult time ushering myself out of the house for months. I don’t socialize at all. Once i am out (say to a bookstore or something) i am fine, but the depression paralyzes me more often by way of covert excuses… it’s gotten too late, i don’t have the money, i shouldn’t spend the gas, the pups will be lonely, there’s things to work on here.
In the evening i was puttering away on 43T. I read a particularly moving passage by Jane about this paralysis and it rightly smacked me in the face. “OK!” i declared, “i’m going to get dressed to go out ” I will first stop into Panera for a quick bite and go to the bookstore… if i feel tired, i’ll simply head home, but if i’ve got more wind, i’ll go to the club. It was a safe negotiation.

Turns out the bookstore had a miserable collection of Dover books, so i needn’t have spent more than 15 minutes in there. Well, the sea had parted. No good reason to turn back ;)

When i arrived, things didn’t look to promising. The kids were all, well, kids. Kinda trashier than i remember, which made me sad. The music, mundane. I tried to shimmy around a bit, felt uninspired and kept sitting down. In a short while they opened the downstairs (additional rooms). (i will never understand why they delay this.) I wandering into one and playing was a song i have not heard in perhaps 5 or 7 years. I exploded!

It was fucking wonderful!!
The guy dj’ing was an older fellow, indeed most of the people in the room were around my age. I started to thaw. After the first couple songs of leaping, i was catching my breath and a fine looking lady remarked to me “Girl, you can dance!” It made me feel all mushy :) I enjoyed the next couple hours tremendously. I asked for a couple songs from the dj, both of which he heartily agreed to and to which more people hit the dance floor. Yet i always had all the space i needed (and i do best, unencumbered). There was 1 fellow who was familiar to me from long ago, he approached very politely to confirm the recognitions—”You had a radio show, right? Yes, indeed.”

I concluded my evening after a last dance to Joy Division’sDisorder. I thanked the dj for a really great set and a wonderful time and he asked me, “Didn’t you used to come out to the ‘X’ (long extinguished NYC club) “Yes, indeed.” “Yea, I thought I remembered you from when I spun there.”

On my way out, a girl in this room handed me a flyer for a night i used to attend when i first started going out 15 years ago. The same promoter, the same resident dj. A night, ironically, that used to be held at club ‘X.’ I smiled at the thought they they are much older than me. I suppose i should have outgrown this. But, frankly, i don’t much care anymore what people would think i should or should not have done by now.

Did i have the most fucking fabulous time?
Yes, indeed.

I’ve been doing silly little dances every now and then. I think it helps. At school, I just sort of swayed in the hallway. When I went off campus with some friends, we decided to dance all the way across the crosswalk, in front of tons of cars. It was great ^^ And yesterday I went to the fair with my boyfriend and his family, and they were playing a lot of techno on the rides, so I got him to dance on a few. I was dancing the whole night, though. It really was fun =)

Last night I was doing the dishes and I was feeling kind of down so I turned on the radio and, to my surprise, my favorite band, Jack’s Mannequin, was on the radio. So I danced right there in the kitchen at 2AM at my parent’s house. It kind of kicked ass!

fun, fun, fun!

I’ve been dancing several times a week… I’m trying to do every other day, now. Yesterday, I did this 10 minute workout thing because I couldn’t get up the energy to do a whole one… turns out the 10 minute tape I got kicked my ass anyway. (literally: it was “bellydance buns” and I’m sore today)

I started dancing again and realized from taking a Nia class, that the dancing comes naturally when the music is perfect for the dance inside of me. I am really having fun now!