journal daily

This isn’t going as well as I would like – have to find the time.

I think I’m getting into a good journaling groove, especially when I find myself saying the above to myself or others from time to time, lol!
I haven’t hit every single day, but it’s getting close to it. What started as a line or two a day has stretched into at least a page a day. I realize I’m paying more attention to the world around me.
When I started journaling, I thought I’d learn to see inside myself better, which it is helping, but I had no idea it would open up the whole world for me like this!
I think it’s really helping me live more conciously and in the present.

I did, in fact, do some journaling today. I don’t have a “journal”, per se, but I have my computer and a “Journal” folder. I type way faster than I write and typing doesn’t hurt the joints in my hands like writing does. So yay!

Granted, it’s just a sort of reflection of how my day has gone so far, but journaling fosters insight over time. It’s not immediate, at least with me.

Go journals!

I have come to find out that I have two journals really. One is my paper journal where I whine, plan and plot my life. I write in this several days a week. It is a sounding board. I want to write in it more because I think the process of letting it all out on paper is delicious and a glorious practice. I just haven’t scheduled the time for it – my fault really. No excuses.

The other piece of this puzzle of course is my blog – I write on there about 3 times a week. These can be deeply thought ideas, quick posts, wins, losses – things I want to share with a larger audience. (Odd that there is even an audience for the drivel I think about.) http://goodwolve.blogs.com/moxielife/

So, perhaps with these TWO mediums I am journaling daily. I think I will keep a record for the next thirty days and see if, in all actuality, I am. Most interesting!

Yesterday, during a phone conversation with P, I had one of those flood-of-tension-chest-tightening-shit-shit-shit experiences. It was more drawn out than I would have liked, but the conversation ended with him saying he would call me back in half an hour.

I sat down and cracked open my journal, and literally poured myself onto the pages. It’s exciting how quickly I can get perspective and find the next step forward when the words are there in front of me, rather than twisting around themselves like a big pit of snakes, all complicated, inside my head.

After that, I was able to talk him through how I feel in situations like that, in a way that was crystal clear to him. And we both said thank you, him for listening, and me for sharing, and then hung up that much stronger and closer – all because I was able to calm myself down, change my mindset from sullen and attacked to introspective and reflective, and then communicate that back to him.

C – in the future, remember this. You like words, and you can use them to make yourself feel better and clearer.

I’ve had this entry here for weeks and I still haven’t even started. That’s it. I’m going to find a site with a bunch of journal prompts, print them all off, close my eyes and point and whichever I land on I’ll have to write about.
Maybe that will get me started on the right foot!

Because I feel as if I have been latent in my memories for too long. There is something disturbing to me about not being able to remember who I was three years ago, or the way I felt when I was with a particular person or doing a particular thing.

Without meaning to sound like I’m psychobabbling, I think I’ve inadvertently suppressed a lot of things that have happened in the past, especially during my final years at home when my parents’ marriage was on the rocks and I was feeling strangled and suffocated.

I’d also like to be able to see the patterns in my life at the moment. The idea of having a record of my existence, of each day as a special thing unto itself, deserving of being thought about and written about, makes me feel good. It can only foster awareness about myself, and I want a huge helping of that at the moment.

Now, I need to find an appropriate journal. I have a moleksine notebook, but it has a few pages of other assorted ramblings in it, and I would very much like to make a fresh start. I will commence looking for one when I next get paid.

I have been better about it but I will not say I have accomplished it yet. Doing so though has helped me A LOT.

I think I will have to put this goal to the side for a while, well, at least until school starts.

I wrote in my journal last night! It felt so good, but I have to keep at it because I know that eventually I will get discouraged.