stop being shy and be MYSELF!

I have been the shy guy all my life, i’m now in my second yr. of college. I really want to help everyone who suffers from all the negative aspects of being shy as much as i can because i know how terrible it feels. I have had all the problems u can think of: blushing, sweaty palms, stuttering, isolation, my mind and heart racing, words not coming out as you would have liked them to, and just anxiety due to almost any social situation. I desperately wanted everyone to like me, but always thought they didn’t. So, during senior year, before i went off to college i decided that i no longer wanted to feel afraid of being myself and i wanted to stop shutting myself off to everyone around me. So I started going to the Stanford shyness clinic in Palo Alto, California. Yes, Stanford has a clinic to help you get over shyness! Now I will tell you about the treatments they offered me.
Okay, so let’s start talking about getting over your shyness. First, i want everyone to know that being shy is definitely not the worst thing in the world, in fact it can be helpful in some situations, but being too shy prevents you from living your life to the fullest. Being shy is also a common experience: just over 40% of Americans consider themselves to be shy! The first treatment which i do not recommend, but is sometimes prescribed is anti-depressants. Studies do show that anti-depressants can lower social anxiety in many people . The reason i don’t reccomend taking anti-depressants is because it’s taking the easy way out and the feelings of anxiety lower because of the drug, not because of a change in one’s self. Who wants to be drugged up all their lives?
Now the next treatment is called cognitive therapy. This is what really helps you change your shy ways! Cognitive therapy works on developing your social skills, building your self-esteem, and understanding yourself along with your shyness. I’m sorry to say to whoever is reading this, but the only way to overcome your shyness is to start putting yourself in social situations and often. Now, i had the same reaction when i first heard and read about this “so-called” therapy- “That’s so scary! i can never do this, and that’s what i’m trying to avoid!” But hold on now, this is not suggesting that you start off giving graduation speeches or start singing on American Idol. Doing this therapy requires you to slowly start off by putting yourself in social situations which are stressful to you, but not utterly terrifying.
For the painfully shy like myself i started off with things like: smiling and saying hi to my teachers as i walked into class, calling information and asking for numbers and thanking them afterwards, and asking ppl for directions. i would set goals for how many times i needed to complete each of these over a month. I really dreaded doing these things but the more and more i forced myself to do them, they just seemed to be second nature. My english teacher Mr. Morris automatically told me that i seemed like a more outgoing person when all i had done was said one more word than i usually would.
So after a month of these tasks and goals conquered my therapist and i created some new goals, some scary goals! These tasks included: smiling and saying hi to two girls a day whom i wasn’t friends with, making small talk with someone in the grocery store, and scariest of all i was supposed to ask a girl out on a date by the end of the month! My goals over the next month seemed absolutley impossible to me at the time. The hardest part about this is that your therapist isn’t there to guide you through these goals, it really depends on how bad you want to change and how much you are willing to go through in order to ultimately feel comfortable with yourself. I started with the grocery store one and started talking sports to the man in the meat section, that wasn’t so bad! Finally monday rolled around and i walked around before first period filled with panic at the thought of even looking at a girl as i walked by. so i went to first period and put off my task till lunch time. i first walked by a girl named melissa and attempted to say hi but i just ended up looking awkward with a big smile on my face. That was a little set back, but luckily she didn’t notice and i stuck with it and decided to kill two birds with one stone; i walked by Ashley and Megan and said hi to both of them and smiled. Initially, they stared blankly but then they giggled and asked me how everything was going. i was stunned that these two were trying to make conversation with me when i barely mumbled the word “hi.” My confidence soared at all time highs that day and i decided that maybe this whole saying hi to girls thing wasn’t going to be too bad. After about twenty days i had made a couple more friends and i had made a couple of conversations with a semi-shy girl named amanda. i decided that if i asked her out i had the least chance of rejection, so near the end of the month i asked her out to go bowling and she said yes! Though the date was pretty awkward i gained very important experience and felt a little more comfortable in my own skin. My therapist was thrilled to hear about the progress, and i carried on saying hi to girls and guys at school even though it was a past goal.
Let’s now talk about things you can do to build confidence. First realize that YOU shape your own life not anyone else. Next, try to realize that people cannot read your mind even though you think they can see your every shy gesture or timid thought. People don’t know that your heart is beating fast, they don’t always know your palms are sweaty, they aren’t totally focused on you stuttering momentarily. What they perceive is most likely completely different from how you think they perceive you. Next, do not let ppl talk bad about you, and never say anything bad about yourself! Make sure you give yourself a MODERATE amount of time to yourself in order to know the inner you. And finally, stop being so protective of your ego as it will bruise but never break. I know you are probably thinking this is much easier said than done but here are some exercizes to boost your self-confidence.
-Instead of labeling yourself as “shy” list the situations that make you nervous or cause you anxiety
-Day dream and visualize yourself as someone who has no social anxiety, what would you do? who would you talk to? what can you now accomplish?
-Make a feel good list-write down things that made you feel good during your day, was it because of other ppl? did you win a game? were you alone?
-During your alone time-RELAX! meditate, deep breathing, swimming, whatever relaxes you!
-Make a list of your strengths and be proud!
-Give other ppl compliments, and learn to accept them, because if you brush off a compliment the other person will feel stupid and emberrased. At the least say thank you, or even be a little full of yourself: “i like your shirt” “i know i have good taste, don’t i?” see this is jokingly arrogant, and yet saying this will give the other person the idea that you are confident but not super in to yourself.
-Think of the certain ppl who make you the most shy and think about why they make you feel nervous or uncomfortable. You may find these reasons seem to sound kind of silly when you actually think about it or put it into words what you are feeling.
This is just a very small portion of the exercizes i get help with and force myself to do every day. I will share more information if you guys want to know more about what you can do to change. Again, i’m not a doctor, but i think the only ppl qualified to give advice to a shy person is someone who has gone through some of the same experiences you have. As of now i attend Sonoma State and i am aquiring a degree in business. I play on the volleyball team and i am a starter in a leadership position. A few years ago i would have laughed if you told me i would be starter and leader on the team, and have little trouble meeting new ppl at school.
If you want to change as badly as i did and still do, you have to put yourself out there. I know it seems like an insurmountable task but please believe me that you CAN overcome your shyness. I want everyone to know they can do it and to just feel better about themselves. There are so many ppl you miss connecting with because you are so focused on your own nervous thoughts and anxiety. I’m not trying to get you ppl to buy some self-help book, i just don’t want you to have to suffer from shyness any longer than you have to.

Ive been shy my whole life. Im to quite, well im loud sometime but thts if im with friends..but i took me awhile to get comfortalbe around them…when i say awhile..i mean a long time.
I cant do public speaking cuz im too shy
i cant socialize cuz im too shy
Im realy shy when im with my family though.
its hard to talk to them. im realy quite and i stutter when i do.
i barely talk to my parents..only like 2 or 3 times a day.
Im intrested in a few careers that i want to do wen i grow up..but they all require being social or public speaking and stuff im to shy to do.
I get made fun of cuz im shy and im getting tired of it.
im to shy to even particapate in in my pe class.
No matter how hard i try not to be shy..it never works.

I feel that I am too shy. I sometimes can be myself and have no shyness what so ever but most of the time I am really shy. I wont go up to a random stranger to talk to them, sometimes I am to shy to go up to talk to someone that I know. I want to change this and I am going to try and talk to more people and try to over my shyness

I was not always shy, and then some day things started changing now im as shy as they come and i hate it, i hardly go out any more and i want to be my old self again before i use to go out all the time to parties friends peopl i just met blah blah blah…. now i mainly sit at home help me please.

i am not social.. i dont talk to strangers unless they start talking to me…

i feel if i can break watever prevent me from talking to others.. i will be a different person .. and i will gain life experience more rapidly…

I act most fot the time, thou i want to be more hounest in expressing myself..

I am shy. It is my life story.
The more important something is or the more passionate I feel about something or someone the more tightlipped I become.
But this is not the real me. I fear noone really knows the real me, for my shyness speaks volumes that is so very, very misleading…

I am too shy in front of HIM

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