have faith in myself

I had to have faith in something else before I could have faith in myself

...make me so nervous and squeamish! However, I really need to have more of these so that I can come to terms with myself and what I want.

Faith is a pretty delicate word. It’s so much easier to believe that the earth goes round the sun than to believe that I even deserve to live, at times.

Anyway, that’s got to change – and that’s what this goal is for! ^^

well i do have faith and confidence but it’s only around people that i open myself up to and so i am hoping to open myself wholly and let people see me as i am…i need to put my faith in God
”...the spirit is willing but the body is weak.”
Matthew 26:41

I got cast as the lead in the school play this fall. it was all going phenomenally until one of the actors in our troupe got busted for pot possession, so we were left with an empty medium-sized role on the night of a performance. we grabbed a guy with a small part because we all knew the idiot’s lines anyway, and it worked out okay. i was worried as hell, but on the way to the play, the radio station i listen to that plays literally everything suddenly played “bare necessities,” and i felt a lot better and thanked God.
unfortunately, the next performance was ridiculous and we all screwed up like the dickens.
the next day i almost cried because i was so worried of messing up again—the closest i got to crying in years. one of my dearest friends kelsey was coming that night, and a scout leader for whom i have a deepest respect. i wiped my damp eyes and read the comics. they weren’t funny.
i had to run out right before the show and buy sparkling cider for a prop, and buy the director flowers. i got there on time, but three of the cast members arrived ten minutes late. i was so pissed and anxious.
i breathed.
i breathed.
“lights.”

the performance was fantastic, the best one of all. I was so relieved and so happy! God I was so happy.

its not true that if you dont have faith you cant do anything, but when i do something i always believe that i could be wrong and it wasnt the best i could do.ahhh

I’m worth it!

Oh how I long to be able to make descions and stick to them with the knowlege that I am doing the right thing. Working hard on this at the moment.

I doubt my descisions far too often. I guess realizing this is the first step to ‘faith in oneself’. It IS simple, but so damn frightening.

If you have faith in yourself, you can do anything.

If you don’t have faith, you can’t do anything.

It’s that simple.

i dunno, sometimes, like right now, i feel useless and pointless. i dont know why. like, im determined to do so well, to excel, but sometimes, i just feel like a failure. but deep down i know im going to be somebody. im not going to fade into the abstract. im not going to be a nobody. people are going to know my name.