become comfortable with my sexuality

Being comfortable with my sexuality really had nothing to do with having sex.
It’s just part of accepting yourself…cheesy?
yes.

as an avid CTYer though, I realized this summer that “Hey, I’m a pretty cool person.” and that other people thought so too.
So who cares about sexual tension?
It’s only there if you make it there.

I’ve always known I was gay…to a degree… it just took me a while to accept it and become comfortable with it. Now that I have I feel more comfortable being myself. And people don’t judge you as badly as I expected. And if they do just stab them in the eye with a RELLY HOT FRENCH FRY!!!!! or tell them they suck either way’s fine…

my folks found a list that detailed every guy i’ve ever liked, everything i’ve ever done w/ every guy, pros and cons of each “relationship”, lessons i’ve learned from it. i did the list so i could see what i needed to learn from my patterns so i wouldn’t do it again. but um, shit is still stuck in the fan, if you know what i mean. we haven’t talked since they found it on tuesday.

a big part of that is me. i’m just extremely embarassed and quite frankly, feel violated. but i was the one who left it in my room.

well, now they know i’m not a virgin. haha. but there’s other stuff i wish they didn’t know. but what am i going to do? can’t go back.

i grew up believing that my sexuality, my sex drive, was bad. when i experimented or was curious about aspects of sex, i was punished. those old views are still deeply ingrained in my psyche.
it’s okay to have a high sex drive. in fact, it’s natural. it’s not bad. i’m not bad.
and while i open up to others about my sexual side, i still don’t embrace it. how do i change that?

There are survival tricks that you learn in your life, some work and some don’t. Some worked once, but don’t work now. Those are the hardest ones to get rid of. Hiding my sexuality, pretending it didn’t exist was a great survival technique when I was younger. But I don’t need to do that anymore.

So, I’m trying to learn to be comfortable with my sexuality.