stop being sad

Life is boring, nothing I do seems to lift my spirits, my friends all faded away after I went to war and when I came back, no one cared. Things I used to love to do, don’t even matter anymore. My wife berates me, and complains about her life, and how dare I even mention that I am sad…she says I am just feeling sorry for myself.
God doesn’t answer my repeated prayers, and I can talk to no one. I am alone surrounded by people.

ok well ever since i introduced my bf derrick to my sister and bro.in.law they have become close. but my sister is 28 & her husband is 30. and every time derrick qets mad at me he qoes to my sister and tells HER why he’s mad at me. then she explains to me what im doinq wronq but now its for nothinq bcuz he qets mad at me for the wronq reasons. yesterday, he went with my sister in the car 2 pick me up and then he had her drop him off at home soon as they picked me up so he could chill with his friend lucas. i told him we should of chilled last nite cuz im qunna be qoin 2 my friend dawnshea’s house all day 2day and when i told him 2day he qot mad cuz he wanted 2 spend time with me as if i didnt want to with him the nite HE dipped off on ME.
so after he texts me and tells me he wanted 2 spend time with me & chanqed his mind, i felt kinda bad so i texted him 2 hours l8r before it qot darker out and told him i would have my mom pick me up b4 she qoes out and have me dropped off over my sis house so we could spend time toqether and he texts me back sayin what are u talkin about im havin family time with christina and moe you could stay over ther if u want 2.
and that hurt me so bad cuz the only family i qot is my sis christina, bro-in-law moe, and their kids but now im feelin like they’re replacinq me with derrick in the family.
i feel like all i have is my mom and one day she’s qunna qet too old and ima be too younq to try and make her survive the rest of her lifetime and i cant stop cryinq =’(

bacon is good.

i like bacon. bacon made me happy for the first time the other night…. and made me happy again last night… thinking about bacon makes me happy.

i highly reccommend bacon.

i feel so much better than i did a month ago. it’s been hard.. and i still have moments where i cry and feel like shit. dealing with depression and bi polar for the majority of my life does not make it easier for me. medication only does so much… having assholes treat me like shit or cast me aside doesn’t help either…. but with the help of my friend joy, who listens, commiserates, makes me laugh and makes my hair all kick ass and pretty… with the help of adawna who drags me to rollerderby and forces me to hang out with the girls from roller derby, and tells me how beautiful i am and who called my ex and told him to leave me alone and stop talking to me…. and with the help of a few male friends to keep me company and tell me i’m pretty and make me feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside…. and with the support of all my other friends and family…

today sucked much less than yesterday….

When I stop to look at my life and realize how ordinary and repetitive it is I get discouraged from my goals, I’ts like I’m programmed to work work work but see no reward in sight…ughh!

I dont get sad everyday.. but some nights.. when i have nothing to do.. and i watch how people from my age make it on TV and music mideos and stuff.. it makes me think im wasting my life.. and that im always going to feel sad in times like this.. when im feeling lonely..
like ive said ..it deosnt happen all the time.. but when it does.. it rlly hurts.. and i dont want you to think im gay.. im just expressing my feelings once in for all… :l (by the way.. im 17 years old)

I don’t have any problem with improper manner. say, I’m “a good girl”. I’m working. I earn money. People say ‘I have a good life’, may be a dreamt one. The problem is I can freely enjoy my life. It’s look like I did everything not for me, just for others. What I call others are other people, other things; family, status, prestige, etc. But, of course it wasn’t wholly like that. well… isn’t it? So… what I want are enjoying works, doing the best I can, compassionate, helpful, meaningful, and “enjoying” myself. The last means (well) one thing I need the most is…having feeling…how nice it is..to be me. May God help me.

The word says it all. I hate myself, I’m constantly caring about other’s opinion of me, I never feel good enough or deserving. I’m a mess.

Treated myself really well. Was not as negative, rested when my body felt like it. Took it really easy and slow.

1. Got a bad review
2. CRIED in front of my supervisor
3. Friend got THE job
4. Feel like a loser
5. Broke
6. No boyfriend