stop holding myself back

I never seem to have found my true vocation because every time I imagine having a goal, my brain just starts telling me a thousand reasons why I can’t and shouldn’t and making excuses. I regret these missed chances later, but I still fall into the same trap over and over. Help!

I am kinda mediocre at…well everything. Which I guess I am lucky, but since I dont really have that one thing that i am superb at I dont do the other things. I have a nice voice but its not amazing so im not in any choirs or plays, I can draw okay but again not fantastic so I dont take any art classes, I write pretty well but always have a writers block and a weak vocabulary so havnt started that novel iv been fantacizing about for 8 yrs, and I am athletic but not super athletic so I dont push myself to my limit I stop when i get a bit tierd so I dont reach my potential. So basically I want to set goals like write a poem or song- if song- set to music (i play piano mediocre also) each week, draw a picture each week, and put all I have into my workouts and practice, also I should take creative pictures because I have taken a photography class….. Hard to dive into but if i cant pull it off definitley beneficial.

I finally did it. I wanted something and went for it. It didn’t matter what he thought or they thought. It mattered what I thought (and think each and every day). I have taken a job that I will enjoy even though it will mean spending a lot of time away from home. I couldn’t be happier at the moment. It could change but right now I’m glowing. I’m proud that I followed through.

like a mantra…let myself, let myself…somewhere between not holding back and pushing forward at all costs is an opening to possibilities and that is where all the good (messy, scary, transformative, genuine, gooey) stuff is

i wish that there were better words for the hokey stuff we all know to be true but don’t know how to talk about