Be less needy

Hello out there,
I’ve never posted to any site like this before so this is new. In fact, I should probably look around a bit before I post but here I am so… I’m not sure if I’m needy per say. I’m always that person who looks out for everyone else and I guess I’m a little pissed when it doesn’t come back. Does that make me needy? I told my husband I wanted to divorce him last night after 7 years together. I’m a SAHM of a 2 year old wonderful baby girl, and I love it, but I currently have laryngitis and bronchitis and you can’t take a day off when your a SAHM. Anyway, big blow out with hubby because he hates taking time off from work, and then I blame myself for being needy. No, I know I’m needy and I hate it. Shouldn’t it be OK to be a little needy? I mean, isn’t it healthy to need people? What happened to what goes around comes around? I just don’t know anymore…. Relationships are just too complicated.

I’ve been with my bf for 2 months now and I’ve cared about him more than I’ve cared for anyone. This is the one I want to “try” my hardest with. I’ve always been the one who attracted needy people and I was the dismissive, get-away-from-me girl. Now, with him, I’m a jealous and needy freak! I can’t control it. I even have dreams about him sleeping with other girls and getting back with his ex who lives 1000 miles away! Though he knows this about me, he doesn’t make it easier sometimes because he always jokes about hot girls and threesomes (that we will NEVER have).

I know for sure it’s because I’m so insecure with myself, and I feel like I’m giving more to him and the relationship than he is. How do I get past this? I’m new to this “needy” thing and it’s really making me miserable! Should I go back to that “I don’t care” attitude?

Why do I feel like I “NEED” him and his reassurance so much????

This is my very first time posting something on here, I’m usually just a voyeur but I’ve been reading all of these posts and I see myself in all of them. I’ve been with my boyfriend/fiance for almost three years and have never been like this with another guy, and yes, I believe it’s because I didn’t care too much about most of them. I see myself being very needy and jealous with him and I know that it’s not because of him, but because of my own self-confidence. I want to fix this now before it gets to be a problem. We’ve had little fights in the past that is usually caused by my neediness or jealousy, but I don’t want to end up with this being a major problem, I guess I want to fix it before it becomes unfixable.

I was never the needy one in a relationship, but looking back on it I realize I was never in a relationship I was scared enough to lose. Its natural to be a little needy, or to be scared of losing something you value, but I’m realizing I’ve gotten to the point where I’m being harmful to the relationship. It’s becoming irritating to my boyfriend and to myself. I don’t know where this girl who gets upset so easily over silly things came from, but I want her gone.

SO I’ve lived on my own for eight or nine months and I think that I have finally achieved this goal. I’m much more self reliant and am not nearly as dependant on having other people fill voids in my life. I’d reccomend to anyone to try a stint of living on their own….

I want to try very hard to be happy with myself and in turn this should allow my boyfriend to be happy with our relationship. I know that he is the one for me but lately we have been getting into arguments. He says I am too needy and need attention all the time. I don’t want to push him away and I am afraid that is what i’m doing. I hope he helps me with it.

Help!!!!!I keep pushing my husband away. My husband left 3 weeks ago saying he wasn’t in love with me anymore. We are trying to work it out, but I have no impulse control. I can’t just let it go. I keep accusing him of cheating on me and lying to me. I go off on him. I can’t stop thinking about it. It’s driving me nuts. If I weren’t so needy I would be focusing more on me and my girls right now instead of what’s going through his head and why he isn’t in love with me. He did this to me last year. Why can’t I just move on. I’m so caught up in weather our marriage can be saved, i’m not doing anything else. I can’t stop obsessing over what’s going on. Any advice.

i didn’t know I was needy until I met “him”. I was used to the kind of man who doesn’t mind being around you all the time, he didn’t mind having me around and even encouraged it. Now, this new guy is full of surprises, and he surprised me even more when he said that I was needy. We do hang out a lot, and I don’t mind, but it seems that he is starting to take me for granted and to think that I am too needy. Should I stop hanging out with him so much… I think that’s what I can do…

My neediness came back tonight. I should make it a point to come to this page and read the previous posts before I bring up issues with the gf. Often it just makes things worse. It is good to get things off my chest but I need to find a better way to address those issues, because the current way is definately not working

Well not quite but you get the idea. I got to be on the needy side of things in numerous relationships. I always tried to make my girlfriend or wife happy, always gave and was always left wanting with not enough time or interest. After I got divorced I made some realizations.

My personal observations only… may be useful to someone.

1. Neediness comes from feeling that someone (or something) else is required to make you feel happy or complete. You have everything you need to be a contented and peaceful at all times.
2. Don’t get involved in a relationship with someone else until you are involved in a relationship with yourself. You have to know yourself intimately before you can know someone else intimately.
3. No one can make you happy and you can’t make anyone else happy. This doesn’t mean you can’t do nice things for, help, or be supportive of others. It does mean that you have to not be attached to or have preconceived ideas as to what your actions are going to do for you or others or have preconceived ideas as to how some else should behave toward you (this does not mean to accept abuse but rather to be accepting of who someone else is.) Your actions are your actions alone and their (re)actions are their actions alone. You don’t make anyone react in a certain way nor does anyone else make you react a certain way. It also means that you can’t rely on, or expect others to take care of you or your emotions.
4. Be selfish (sort-of.) In order to be supportive of someone else you need to be supportive of, and take care of yourself first. Once you do that you eliminate inertial neediness. Don’t give too much and don’t expect too much in return. This doesn’t mean you can’t love someone completely and wholly, but it does mean that you have to do so for the they way that person is. You should accept support from others when proffered as well as be supportive of others to the degree that you can without overextending yourself. You accept them for who they are and you will find that they will probably supply you with what you really want from them.
5. Most people find being with someone who is being needy of them is irritating. People like to know that you can take care of yourself, physically and emotionally. If you can’t, fake it until you can.
6. If you aren’t getting what you want out a relationship you probably shouldn’t be in it and you most definitely shouldn’t try to change the other person. The more you try, the more they will (probably) resist and the more needy you will become. Don’t do it. Ever. Either leave the relationship or redefine your priorities so that they are in alignment with what you are getting.
7. Trust. If you are involved with someone you are just going to have to trust them. Period. No trust equals no go. Trust is the oil for the gears of the relationship. Trust them and they will respect you. Don’t trust blindly though. If someone betrays the trust you have placed in them, they are going to have earn it back. Don’t just give it to them.
8. Do something different. Rather than demand the time of another find something you like to do a lot and do it. It doesn’t matter what it is and it doesn’t matter if they like it, as long as you like it. You will soon find that they will come looking for you to spend time with you. Like it or not people get used to things being a certain way and if you are always trying to get someone to spend time with you and suddenly you stop they will be curious.
9. Finally, aim for enlightened interdependence. This means being separate and complete individual that together create a greater whole. This is like having three being in the relationship, me, you and us. They are three are separate and unique and must be respected.

By the way, for the record, I am now happily married (for five year now) to a friend I have known for over twenty years. Everyone is human and everyone is needy at times. I am sometimes, my wife is sometimes, our son is a lot (but that’s mostly because he’s young and can’t do everything he wants.) You get tired or worn and sometimes you just need someone else to carry the burden. This is normal. Being needy all the time isn’t. Do your best have a little faith in yourself and above all like who you are.