Raise happy kids

He is just recovering from a viral infection. He is very, very stubborn. Not to mention impatient and easily frustrated. He screams more than he did before. And I’ve found myself losing my patience and screaming back.

But not today. I’m back to looking at him as a little person. With very limited communication skills and a lot less authority than he’d like.

I love him so much. I’m so dedicated to him, and I will continue to do my utmost to make sure he is safe, taken care of and he can develop and blossom in his own time, his own way, his own space. He’s lovely.

I was a single mom of 4 kids for 12 years. I put myself through college, lived below poverty level, was on govt. housing and foodstamps, stood in many food lines, and begged several people several times to have my electric and gas turned back on. I refused to have my kids to be “broken family” children. We were a “whole” family no matter what society said! I used my life story to help them believe in themselves and to encourage them to go down a better path in their lives. They listened! They are all doing very well! They are now: 23, 21, 19, & 15. They don’t party but are still very “cool” young people. The 23 yr old is a Tech. Director and Audio Engineer for a very large, cutting edge, church that has an auditorium that seats 3,400 people. He also freelance contracts with other production companies doing sound and production management for large scale events in and around L.A. He is on a board for a group that travels the country advising other churches how to update their tech. departments for today’s world and on a board for a young adults group. In his “spare time”, he loves to go to rock concerts with his brother.
My 21 yr old. loves rock concerts also. He is a musician that plays any instrument. He works full time a s a graphic artist at our church while also freelancing on the side making websites and doing graphics for other agencies. He is also an aspiring photographer.
My daughter, 19, is a full time college student, planning on going into nursing. She also has 2 part-time jobs, (1 is at Starbucks! That’s awesome for me!) She has been to Turkey, the Philippeans, and countless trips to Mexico, teaching English, building playgrounds for orphans, and building houses. She is also a jr. high and high school counselor at curch.
The baby, 15, is also a 1st-6th grade counselor at church. He is the only child on a creative team responsible for all of the decision making for the youth programs at the church. He is assistant to the Children’s Pastor. He is a freshman in high school, where he is in Leadership class, on the student body, and on the yearbook staff. He is very interested in entreprenurial business, architecture, and design. He wants to own his own hotels and begs me everyday to help him find a company that will hire a 15 yr. old.
Now…obviously, everyone has trials and troubles….we have had a ton!...but these kids have overcome so much and they are determined to live the good life!

One of my children has been bullied and is off school, with anxiety. I don’t know how to make this ok for her. I want to bundle her up and keep her safe, but can’t do this now she’s so much more grown. I want to tackle the bullies, but I know there is also more to it than that. She was bullied before, and had to change school.
I love her so much and she’s feeling so bad.

Feeling fed up with my 16 yr old. I didn’t realise how fed up until my husb. told me I’d been angry with her in my sleep!
I just feel bored with saying the same things to her again and again, but not ready to give up on (a) you live here so you, too, do chores and (b) please thank someone when they help you and©....
This is such a cliche.
Looking forward to being more engrosed away from home. Bad mum. How do I rationalise that one?

Well, the exams went well for child 1. She was calm, focussed, occasionally so relaxed I wanted to lock her in her room – she took time off for leisure and didn’t stress a bit. What a fantastic young woman she is. This comes after several years of anxiety, following bullying at school… I can’t believe how far she’s come, and how beautiful she is, and I’m so proud.
Sometimes I look at the two of them and I’m convinced they’re angels, so much themselves, so different from me, so beautiful, so clear. How can two mixed up parents produce such lovely offspring?
Child 2 is making progress at school, but hates maths. As a maths educator, I feel so sad about this – my main professional mission is to dissolve maths anxiety, but for older children. I try to play with her, but she really doesn’t want to, even when the activity is fun and not really maths, and she has both of us just paying attention to her (Uno). She’s so advanced in her ability to use words and images – fantastic stories and drawings – that struggling with something feels even worse. She has strange misconceptions about addition, and seems to perceive herself as lacking the ability to solve problems in maths. Softly, softly here, I think. This needs slow time.
Altogether, I’m feeling alright about myself as a mum. I’m staying calm, balancing time and attention, and still managing to work from home during the holidays. Husb., though, is going through another dark place in his 40-year battle with depression. I guess I can talk about this here, because when he is bad, my role is very much as his parent, rather than this wife. He loses control and is frightening, frightened. I try to stay calm, nurture each and every one of them, douse the flames and refuse to react. On good days, I feel like I can do this, and on bad days, I remember the marriage vows – in sickness and in health – and wonder when the health bit comes.
Back to the books.

I am not a slacker mom….I don’t have my kids over scheduled…my kids get dirty. Raising 2 boys and now being blessed with a liitle girl, I have always had the philosphy that I would let them be kids. So far I have 2 very happy boys who play in the dirt have imaginations, can build anything out of playdoh, can make a mean fort out of sheets and chairs. To me these things are just as important or maybe in some ways more important than knowing the piano, how to do gymnastics, ect.
I promise to follow my childrens lead to make their child hood a plce of comfort and fun, love, understanding, freedom, and structure….I will let them guide me.

I’m so enjoying reading with little one at the moment. We’ve just reread all the Flat Stanley books, and now we’re going back to Moomintrolls. We’ve had The Railway Children, Harry Potter, I was a Rat by Phillip Pulman, Jacquiline Wilson… there are such great and varied things to read.
She’s also reading a lot about birds. When we went shopping this evening, she pointed out the coal tits to us, zipping under the eaves. I feel really proud that she likes so many things about which I know nothing – she follows her own interests and we’re supportive enough without taking over. So she gets to learn about things, but has to control that for herself.

Thinking about how things have been going. Little one had exams (age 7 – barbaric). She’s done really well, come through without a lot of stress. Bigger one is about to start GCSEs, and is doing really well although her sty is getting beyond a joke and her manners match the sty. But she’s pretty good really.
And I had exams too, and didn’t get stressed at the kids about them. Things are really settling down, and it’s lovely to concentrate on just being ordinary, moving smoothly through the days. I’m happy with my kids. I’d love another ten years of the last couple of weeks.

Small child absolutely loves the kiddie-back tandem and is getting fit and healthy whilst spending time with Mum and Dad. Feel like a great parent when we go out (except when we argue about the gears…) And the house is improving too. A good start to the new year.

We’re doing it. I’ve started the course; I’m away about four days a week, though it varies a little. They’ve both started off with minor illnessess, just to make sure it’s a deep pull. Husb. is doing really well (though the house is understandably getting chaotic) and gran is mostly patience and light.
It doesn’t make them happy. They’d rather I was here. But we’re coping, and we will adjust.
Seven weeks then vacation. I’m not counting the days: I love my work. But I know it’ll be better for them when I’m back.